Already In Love
by munkkeyboy
Summary: Casey Novak begins a new relationship that changes her life in more ways than she could have imagined. Set against the backdrop of the SVU squad and the cases they investigate. All 14 chapters are up.
1. Wearing Her Hair Up

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**ALREADY IN LOVE **

**Prologue  
**_December 18th, 3:08 PM_

The door slammed shut behind her, the deafening silence that followed quickly filling the entire apartment. Casey sat motionless on the sofa, her mouth slightly agape. Her heart was pounding in her chest and the tears on her cheeks were just starting to dry. Casey stared down at the floor, a mixed expression of pain, fear and shock settling across her face. She turned, looking over her shoulder at her apartment door. There was a slight ringing in her ears, and she could feel the heavy and fast _thud-thud-thud_ of her pulse pounding in her temples. Her eyes bulged slightly in their sockets and again she looked at the apartment door. He was gone. He was really gone. The first man Casey Novak had ever truly been in love with had just walked out of her apartment and out of her life.

Casey shifted her position forward on the couch, suddenly trying to convince herself that she should get up and run after him. She would catch him in the hallway, kiss him passionately, and tell him they _had_ to find a way to work things out. But deep down, Casey somehow knew better. Going after him now would only bring more pain into both of their lives, and she loved him too much to consider risking it. Casey felt half alive, and wondered if she was somehow dreaming. How did these kinds of things happen to normal people? To _happy_ people? To people starting a _life_ together? Casey knew she'd have all the time in the world to ponder these questions...alone. A fresh wave of seething heartache struck her at the thought, and she leaned forward, putting her scrunched face into her hands. She sat that way for some time, softly weeping into her shaking hands, her body heaving up and down with every sad gasp and sob. The cold December wind swirled angrily outside her hazy apartment windows, climbing the side of the building in a shrill, emotionless whistle.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 1: Wearing Her Hair Up  
**_**Four months earlier  
**__August 12th, 12:36 PM_

_Why the hell am I so nervous?_ Casey thought to herself as the elevator started its slow journey upwards. Both of Casey's hands were clenched tightly around the dark leather handle of her briefcase, and for a moment she felt that strange tingly feeling in her stomach again. _Gee, maybe he'll ask me to the Sock Hop this weekend!_ _I better remember to wash my hair tonight! _Casey rolled her eyes and grinned inwardly at the thought, a small muffled laugh escaping her lips. She felt like a kid in school again, acting so goofy and out of sorts over some _guy_. And a guy she had only known for a few weeks for that matter.

This wasn't like her. Casey had always been as straight of an arrow as they came, carefully avoiding the pitfalls of dating and relationships throughout most of college and law school. She had always been wary of getting hung up on some boy, not wanting to risk having her attention drawn away from her schoolwork and her future. "Yeah…and that's why you suck at dating _now_," Casey said aloud to the empty elevator, save for herself.

Casey chuckled to herself again and looked down at her hands, noticing that her knuckles were starting to turn white. She released the death-grip on her briefcase's handle as the elevator slowed to its familiar "bump and lunge", a soft _'ding!'_ sounding from above. The doors of the elevator slid open, revealing the hallway leading to the SVU squad room. Casey's hands turned back to their normal pale shade of pink as she stepped off the elevator, shifting her briefcase to one hand. She turned and started making her way towards the Special Victims Unit, her brain buzzing with a million different thoughts and feelings.

She had it bad, all right. She had a huge crush on the new SVU detective, whether or not she was willing to admit it. For the last few weeks, Casey had been trying to push the feelings away, simply going about her normal business as the Assistant District Attorney for the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. But every day, there he was...Detective Seth Bauer, recent transfer from Brooklyn Narcotics. Seth had arrived on a Friday afternoon, and Casey had not met him until the following Monday. At first, nothing particular stood out about Seth. He seemed like your typical, 'green' rookie detective, and Casey thought he seemed nice enough. Their relationship, of course, had been strictly professional so far, as it was all business with A.D.A. Novak. There was certainly no time for idle socializing or meaningless chitchat in the Sex Crimes Unit. Not when there were victims to fight for and lives to be rectified. Not to mention the fact that seeing someone from work went against almost all of Casey's dating policies. Not only was it a _terrible_ idea, but it would almost certainly never work out.

Yet despite her straight-laced intentions, Casey kept coming back to the same thoughts and feelings when she was around Seth. There was something about him she couldn't quite put her finger on that made him very attractive to her. Something in the way he spoke to her...in the way he looked at her...in the way he seemed to exude a quiet confidence and passion for helping those in need. She certainly admired the way he performed his job – that much was true. And in her most secret moments of weakness, Casey allowed herself to think that he wasn't too bad to look at, either. Seth wasn't a chiseled model straight out of the pages of GQ, but he certainly wasn't unattractive. If anything, he had what most people would likely consider very average, almost nondescript looks. He was about six feet tall with short, brown hair and dark, moody brown eyes. He was clean cut and dressed rather plainly for work – button down shirt, slacks and a necktie. Seth seemed to have an average build, on the thin side, but not skinny. He wasn't overly muscular, although he was rather broad-shouldered, the latter being an attribute Casey usually found very sexy. In her own mind, Casey thought Seth was actually quite handsome and she wondered if other women looked at him the same way.

Seth was about Casey's own age, and like her, he still had a certain youthful look to his appearance. He had definitely already been through his share of 'rookie jokes' since joining the team. But he laughed them off, doing his best to fit in and not offend anyone. And maybe it was simply that, Casey thought. Seth just had a certain "way" about him; he was a genuinely all around nice person. Not a person who necessarily stood out in the crowd as someone you wanted to get to know, but someone you felt like you had always known once you started talking to him. Casey had been as discrete as possible with her feelings up to that point, but the other detectives in the squad were beginning to notice that she had a "thing" for him, and they were wasting no time teasing her about it. Casey realized her affection for Seth was superficial, but her feelings seemed to be growing the more interaction she had with him on the job. She was even starting to suspect that Seth might be attracted to her as well.

_Get a grip, kiddo, _Casey thought to herself as she approached the squad room doors. _You hardly know him and all the "wonderful" things you think you know about him could be entirely in your head. Stay focused on the task at hand and don't make an ass of yourself again._

Casey passed through the entrance to the SVU squad room and stepped inside. Munch sat at his desk, yelling what sounded like a broken form of Russian into the telephone. He looked up and gave Casey a nod, rolling his eyes and making a swirling motion with his index finger pointed at the side of his head. _Poor John...he always gets the crazies_, Casey thought.

Taking a quick look around, Casey noticed that the door to Cragen's office was ajar. Elliot and Olivia were inside, most likely discussing some aspect of the case with him. A moment later, Fin came strolling in behind her, briefly placing a hand on Casey's shoulder as he went by.

"'Sup?" Fin said as he walked towards the Captain's office.

"Hey," Casey replied. "Are those the phone records for the Denby case?"

"Yup. I'm gonna hand 'em off to Elliot and Olivia right now." Fin paused, turning towards Casey, a broad smile slowly forming across his face. "You lookin' for your boy Seth?"

Casey flushed and put the back of her hand to her mouth, trying to hide her embarrassed grin. She nodded and laughed. "Yeah, I guess you could say I was hoping I might run in to him."

"Damn girl, you ain't even tryin' to hide it now," Fin smiled back. "That's cool though, good for you."

"Uh, thanks..." _That's just great_, Casey thought to herself, _who _doesn't _know at this point?_

"Hey, it ain't no thang," Fin said as he walked back towards Casey. Fin moved to her right and put his face close to her ear. He said in a low voice,"I think he _likes_ you."

Casey turned, pursing her lips and raising an eyebrow. She pointed a finger toward Fin, opening her mouth. "Uh, hey...you know..." Casey's words trailed off as she tried to think of a snappy comeback.

Before she could, Fin turned and continued on towards Cragen's office. "I ain't seen him, though. Check with Munch, he's the resident baby sitter."

Casey grinned again. "Well, let me know what you guys find out with the phone dump..." Fin nodded in response, tapping on the door to Cragen's office and sticking his head in.

Casey turned her attention back to Munch, who was just hanging up the phone. He stood up from his desk and walked towards her. "Well, that was a phenomenal waste of time. I just spent half an hour on the phone with the Russian owner of that restaurant down by the pier..."

"Did he give you a better description of the suspect?" Casey asked.

John smoothed his bright red tie with one hand and cocked his head towards her. "No, but I'm pretty sure what he did give me was a _fabulous_ new recipe for _Buzhenina_."

Casey sighed, half smiling. "Well, let me know what you turn up. Fin's in with Elliot and Olivia, going over Denby's phone records. Just thought I'd check in and see where you guys were at..."

Munch tilted his head downward, looking at Casey over the rims of his glasses. "Oh, is _that_ all...?"

"Don't you start with me, too," Casey prodded back.

Munch cleared his throat, concealing a thin smile. "Bauer's out getting us lunch. He should be back any minute."

"John!" Casey scolded. "You guys are terrible! Just 'cause he's new, that doesn't make him your personal slave, you know!" Casey pursed her lips again, frowning at Munch.

"Oh, don't worry," John said in his droll voice. "He's paying his dues now, but pretty soon we'll actually let him start _making_ lunch for us. Besides...I think he kind of likes all this grub work. He's a weird one, that new kid. I'd be careful if I were you..."

Munch grinned as he walked past Casey. She knew John was just teasing her, but with the whole squad ribbing her about Seth lately, convincing herself that she _wasn't_ interested in him was becoming harder and harder to do. She sighed, swinging her briefcase into both hands, heading for the door. As she turned, Seth appeared in the squad room entrance carrying two large white paper bags. Lunch had arrived.

"Hi Casey," Seth said as he walked into the squad. He smiled his awkward, crooked smile at her, squinting his eyes as he approached her.

Casey felt that old tingly feeling creeping back into her belly. _That smile of his,_ she thought. _That damn smile...it makes me gush like a little girl._

"Hey Seth, how are you?" she said, smiling back at him. _I'm too old to be acting this way, getting butterflies in my stomach every time I see him,_ Casey thought. _But hey, who knows...maybe its just gas._

Casey smiled even brighter at the foolish thought. _I'm doing it again...what's the matter with me?_

Seth cast her a curious glance as he moved around Casey towards Cragen's office. "Uh...I'm doing okay...just out getting lunch for the squad." Seth held up the two paper bags as he passed by her. "Are you on your way out?"

Casey turned, gazing into Seth's dark eyes. "Yeah...I was just checking in on the Denby case. It doesn't sound like anything new has jumped off, so I was going to head out. I'm do in court this afternoon."

"Oh, okay." Seth paused for a moment. "Ummm...you know what? Let me drop these bags off and I'll come right back. I had a quick question for you..."

Casey raised an eyebrow in interest. "All right. I'll wait here."

Seth smiled his crooked smile again, and went into Cragen's office. Casey could overhear Munch making some sort of sarcastic comment when Seth entered...something about whose turn it was to tip the delivery boy. Casey rolled her eyes and shook her head. Munch was relentless.

Turning her thoughts back to what Seth had just said, she wondered what he wanted to ask her. _See, I told you he was going to ask you to the Sock Hop! _Casey rolled her eyes again and tugged at the ends of her suit jacket, straightening her clothes. Her right hand unconsciously went up to the side of her head, and she quickly smoothed her light red hair back with her fingertips. _Knock it off Casey,_ she thought, catching herself in the act. _If anyone in the squad sees you doing that, they're going to rag on you even more than they already do now._ But she couldn't help it. Casey wasn't especially vain when it came to how she looked, but she wanted to appear nice for Seth all the same. She smoothed her skirt with one hand, looking down towards her feet. _You slut,_ she thought, grinning to herself. _You wore your sexy pumps today 'cause you _knew _you'd be seeing him...not to mention your low cut blouse. _Casey marveled at what she had always thought to be the ironic ability for men to control the way women dressed without so much as saying a word. _But the truth is, Seth's not like that_. _Or at least, her doesn't _seem _that way._

Seth emerged from Cragen's office, followed by Fin and Olivia. _Aw, who am I kidding? _Casey thought as Seth walked back towards her. _I can't help wanting to look cute for him. 'Better chance he'll notice me that way. Then, of course, after we fall in love and settle down together, I can go back to dressing the way I want, while he stays at home taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, and making dinner._

Casey laughed internally at the thought, and Seth again gave her a suspicious look as he approached his desk. _Jeez, _Casey thought sarcastically. _Why don't you just completely throw yourself at him and get it over with already?_

Casey followed Seth to his desk, nodding at Olivia and giving her a quick 'Hey' as they crossed paths. Casey could feel Olivia smiling at her as she stood, facing Seth.

"So, what's up? What did you want to ask me?"

Seth ruffled through a stack of papers in his top desk drawer. "I had a question about the open molestation case from earlier this week...Here we go." Seth pulled a thin white sheet of paper from the drawer. "What was the name of that one attorney you said you had worked with? The one who was a friend of the victim's family?"

_And what kind of a question did you _think_ it would be? Of course it's about work...what - did you think he was going to ask you out?_

"Frank Collins. Why? You don't think he's involved, do you?"

"No...we're just running out of leads and the mother's completely shut the kid up at this point. I thought it couldn't hurt to give this lawyer a call and see what shakes loose."

Casey nodded in agreement. "Well, say 'Hi' to him for me."

"I will...thanks." Seth suddenly cast a self-conscious glance at Casey, a curious smile appearing on his face. He quickly looked back down at the sheet of paper he was holding, making a note on it.

"What?" Casey inquired in an accusing, but good-natured tone.

"Ah...it's nothing," Seth said unconvincingly.

"C'mon...what are you smiling at? Do I have something in my nose?" _OH...MY...GOD, _Casey thought in horror. _You did NOT just say that out loud, did you? You stupid, stupid, GIRL._

Seth chuckled, looking at her again. "No...no, that's not it."

"Well, what then?" _Okay, good, he's laughing. Maybe the booger comment wasn't so bad after all. Keep him talking...cast ALL focus away from the booger! _Casey could feel a few light beads of perspiration forming on her brow.

Seth's cheeks became flushed and he looked away again. "Oh, well...it's just...your hair. It's different. You have it up today." Seth motioned toward Casey's head with his left hand. "I don't think I've seen it that way before. It looks...nice."

Bells and whistles suddenly went off in Casey head. _Is he _flirting_ with me? Yes, folks! I think the sexy shoes and slutty blouse have paid off!_

Casey beamed from ear to ear. She girlishly batted her eyes at Seth, and again, her hand went up to the side of her head, this time in a slightly embarrassed gesture."Oh,"Casey said, obviously flattered. "Thanks. I've been keeping it long like this and wearing it up sometimes."

_Gee, that didn't sound totally awkward and stupid, _Casey thought sarcastically. _Hey, wait a second, _a second inner voice interrupted. _Maybe he's not really flirting with me after all. Maybe he's just being polite and making conversation. Maybe he's going to quit the force and become a hairdresser!_

Again, the overriding rational voice in Casey's head scolded her. _Jeez!_ _Get a grip, Novak!_

"Is that so...?" Seth replied. From the slightly perplexed look on his face, Casey could tell that women's hairdos were not high on Seth's list of knowledgeable subjects.

_Okay, I think that's a good sign, _Casey thought, still smiling._ He's paying me a compliment. _Suddenly, Casey felt herself brimming with confidence. _Yeah, that's right – he wants me._

"Uh, anyway," Seth continued. "I hope you don't mind me saying so..." Seth blushed again and began fidgeting with the pen he was holding.

"Oh? And why would I mind?" Casey asked in a smart tone of voice, flirting back now.

"Well, you know...maybe that's not appropriate 'office talk'. I mean - I wouldn't want a big, scary lawyer like yourself to think its harassment or anything."

Casey's heart was beating fast, but she was holding it together this time. She glanced at her watch, suddenly becoming aware of the fact that she was due in court very soon. Placing her briefcase in both hands again, she began taking a few steps backwards, heading for the door. She titled sideways as she walked, casting a playful look Seth's way. "Well, I'll have to let you know if I start to feel _harassed_," Casey said in a cool, husky voice.

Casey smiled and turned, walking out of the squad room. Behind her, Seth chuckled to himself, watching her go. Turning to his right, Seth noticed Fin, Olivia and Munch all staring up at him from where they were sitting. They were all grinning widely in his direction.

"Shut up," Seth said, smiling his crooked smile. His co-workers burst out laughing at the comment, continuing to pick at the sandwiches Seth had brought from the Deli.

"Hey gang, I hate to break up all the fun, but there are still crimes that need to be solved," Captain Cragen interrupted as he and Elliot walked out of his office and into the squad. "Bauer, after lunch, you and Stabler go talk to the victims again. We're having a hell of time connecting Denby to the multiple rapes and we're gonna need more evidence before we can get another warrant."

"Sure thing, Captain," Bauer said. He turned his attention to Benson and Stabler's desks. "Looks like it's just you and me, Elliot."

Elliot didn't respond. He simply gave Seth his usual annoyed look and sat down at his desk to eat his lunch. So far, Elliot wasn't thrilled with the newbie. The kid was just too damn _pleasant_ all the time, and it was irritating. As far as Stabler was concerned, Seth had a lot to prove working in the Special Victims Unit, and he had barely begun to earn his stripes.

Down the hall from the SVU squad room, Casey stood in front of the elevator looking at the button she had just pressed - a glowing white circle with an arrow pointing down on it. She could barely contain the huge smile on her face. She took a deep breath and tried to get her emotions under control. She was quite satisfied with how the conversation had gone with Seth today. Usually, she couldn't stop herself from putting her foot in her mouth every time she talked to him. And until today, he hadn't seemed all that interested in her on a personal level. But with all the teasing from Seth's colleagues, Casey imagined _someone_ had to have said something about the situation to him by now. It didn't matter, though; Seth had really _noticed _her today, and that was a start. At the very least, Casey had the sneaking suspicion she'd be wearing her hair _up_ much more often. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, and Casey stepped inside.

_Yup,_ she thought. _This is definitely the start of something._


	2. Tension

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**Chapter 2: Tension  
**_September 2nd, 9:08 AM_

"Yeah, well, we're going to look _again_, wonder boy," Elliot barked at Seth as he crouched over the dirty patch of grass littered with cigarette butts and other discarded debris. It had been almost a month since Cragen had first teamed him with Bauer, and they were right back to where they had started. The case was going cold and Elliot was sure that Roger Denby, their prime suspect in this whole mess, was going to flee the city if they didn't make the arrest stick this time. "I can't believe this crap," Elliot continued. "Weren't we just standing here three weeks ago re-canvassing? This is bull...we should be hauling Denby's ass in and getting a confession out of him."

Seth crossed his arms and frowned. Teaming up with Elliot on the Denby case hadn't been an especially pleasant experience thus far. He assumed it was Cragen's way of trying to _make_ Elliot like him, and so far it wasn't working. "Look," Seth said, "you know as well as I do that he's got an alibi for the first two rapes and the rape / homicide. Sure, they're shaky, but how many more times do you want to go at him with the same questions? His mother's covering for him and she won't budge either..."

"So – what? You want to give up? Not me, pal...that may be how YOU do things, but that's not how I do MY job."

Seth could see that arguing with Elliot was getting them nowhere. "That's not what I meant, Elliot. I just think we're going about this the wrong way."

Elliot stood up, brushing off his pant legs. He squinted in the mid-morning sun and walked towards Seth. He put his hands on his hips, placing his face about three inches from Seth's nose. "Okay hotshot, what do _you_ think we should do?"

Seth drew in a deep breath and gave Elliot a defeated look. "I don't know...maybe we should re-interview the first victim again. She was the most helpful of the two."

Elliot took a step back and looked at the ground. His brow wrinkled, deep in thought. After a moment, he looked back up at Seth, pointing and wagging his left index finger at him. "No. But I'll tell you what we _are_ going to do. That first victim...she said something about 'Denby smelled like a litter box', remember?"

Seth gave Elliot a worried look. "Yeah? So...?"

"So, the M.E. found a few crystals of cat litter on the third victim, the one he killed. We'll get a warrant for Denby's apartment, see if he has a cat, and match the litter box crystals to the ones found on the third victim."

Stabler's eyes were wild and Seth could tell he was grasping at straws. "Elliot...we already considered that, remember? The cat litter was circumstantial – the third victim worked in a pet store where they sell the SAME kind of cat litter! Besides, we don't even know for sure if Denby even HAS a cat!"

"Yeah, but we only considered that angle for the THIRD, dead victim!" Elliot was shouting now, his face turning red. "We'll go back, talk to the FIRST victim again, get her to beef up her statement, then we'll get the warrant and search Denby's place. Even if the guy doesn't have a cat, it won't matter! We'll find _something_ tying him to at least one of the rapes, and that'll be the end of it!"

"Are you nuts? Even if we can get the first victim to amend her statement by _lying_, Novak is never going to go for it!"

Elliot's breathing was becoming heavy. "Well, I don't hear you coming up with any better ideas." Again, he pointed his finger at Seth, heading for the car. "You're wrong. It'll work, you'll see. Let's go."

"Where are we going now? We really should run this by the boss first."

"Screw that, we've sat on our asses and done nothing long enough. We're going to talk to your _girlfriend_. She'll get us access to Denby's apartment."

Seth sighed and started after Elliot. He had seen Stabler like this before – hell-bent on closing the case. He understood how Elliot felt, but he was seriously starting to think the guy was losing it. Elliot looked liked he hadn't slept in days, and now he was talking about fabricating evidence. Seth got into the passenger seat of the car, slamming the door shut. "This isn't going to work, Elliot. Maybe we should just go back to the station house and see what Benson thinks about all of this."

_Yeah, that's good,_ Seth thought. _Mention his partner and see if that knocks some sense into him. He's always more rational when he's working with Olivia._

Stabler stared at Seth for a second, starting the engine up. Again he squinted his eyes as if deep in thought. Seth took the moment to reflect on something else Elliot had just said. _My 'girlfriend'? What the hell was that all about?_ Obviously, Stabler was talking about Casey, someone Seth had become much closer to over the past month or so. Seth knew Casey liked him, but he couldn't be sure of how much. What had begun as a friendly work relationship had gradually turned into something more meaningful in the past several weeks. The focus of the conversations he and Casey were having lately had more to do with personal things, like where they had grown up and gone to school, what kinds of music they liked, what kinds of things they did for fun outside of work (basketball for him, softball for her), how they were the two "babies" of the unit. They were getting to know each other, and at the very least Seth thought they were becoming real friends. They could relate to one other in a number of different ways, and for several weeks now, whenever they made small talk, it was never about work. Seth was seeing a very different side of Casey, and that's what he liked the most about her. Sure, in her day-to-day job as an Assistant District Attorney she had a reputation for being notoriously headstrong, but there was a very gentle personal side to her that she didn't seem to share with most other people. Seth thought she had a great personality – she was smart, funny, and interesting to talk to. Not to mention the fact that he thought she was absolutely gorgeous. Seth was definitely forming feelings for her, and the idea scared the hell out of him. It felt too soon, and Seth wondered if he'd ever really be ready for a relationship again, least of all with Casey. How would he tell her about his past? How would he tell her about that night –

"Hey!" Elliot yelled from the driver's seat, snapping Seth back into the present. "Are you listening? I said forget it, we're going to see Novak _now_."

Seth sighed again and looked out the window as Elliot began backing the car up. "All right, man. But I'm telling you, she won't be able to get us the warrant."

"No. You'll see," Elliot said again. "You're wrong. She'll get us the warrant."


	3. Fall Out

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**Chapter 3: Fall Out  
**_September 2nd, 9:47 AM_

Seth stood in the corner of Casey's office, looking down at the floor. He wished desperately that he could turn invisible. _Oh boy, here we go. I knew I should've stayed in the car._

"What do you mean you can't get us the warrant?" Elliot nearly screamed at Casey. His face was already flushed and he was breathing heavy again. His eyes blazed in their sockets.

"Elliot, there's NO WAY I can get a judge to sign off on this!" Casey yelled back. "Do you know what you're asking me to do? You're taking evidence from one case and a partial statement from another, and together they don't add up to SQUAT!"

Seth shifted his position uncomfortably. He had seen Casey like this before, in the courtroom. In situations such as these, she demonstrated a real fiery essence that he found oddly attractive. She was a tough gal and she didn't take crap from anyone. Seth tilted his head towards the floor again, concealing a thin smile.

"Oh, come on Casey! You can FIND a way to make this work! You've done it before!"

"But not in a case like this! You've got TWO separate rapes and ONE rape / homicide! All the evidence you have is circumstantial at best! Getting the warrant for the phone dump was hard enough - I can't go to a judge with this, I'll get laughed right out of chambers! Seth, will you tell him I'm not crazy?"

A surprised look jumped across Seth's face. He agreed with Casey, but he felt obligated to back his partner up. "I don't know, Casey. Maybe it's worth a shot," Seth said half-heartedly. "Look, you two...I think this is getting out of hand..."

Elliot took a step forward, pointing a finger in Casey's face. "That's crap and you KNOW it! You're just trying to cover your own ass so you won't look stupid! You're just tired of dealing with this case and you want out! Well, I'M not giving up!"

"Oh please!" Casey sneered back at Stabler. "That's as weak as you coming in here and asking for a warrant in the first place! You're taking this out on ME because YOU can't get a confession out of the guy!"

Elliot put his hand down and clenched his fists. His lips curled back from his teeth and his nostrils flared wildly. "Yeah? Well, if you CARED at ALL about these victims, YOU'D do something about this," Elliot said through gritted teeth. "You just don't WANT to. So when that son of a bitch rapes and kills again, that's on YOUR conscience, not mine."

A pained expression struck Casey's face as Stabler stormed out of her office, flinging the door wide open. "I'll be in the car," Elliot spat at Seth as he brushed past him into the hallway.

Casey folded her arms across her chest, leaning back against the edge of her desk. She was both hurt and infuriated by Elliot's wild accusations. Seth gave Casey a worried glance and said with his crooked smile, "Okay..._that_ didn't go very well. I guess we'll be heading out to re-canvas. Again."

Casey suddenly turned her heated glare towards Seth, staring him down with her wounded eyes. "Oh, aren't you ALSO going to berate me and tell me I don't care about doing my job? That it's up to ME to solve all your cases for you? Or, better yet! Maybe you'll just stand there and say NOTHING again!" Casey's brow furrowed and she gave Seth a disgusted look. "You know, you guys come RUNNING in here every time you need something, expecting ME to do YOUR job for you. Then after you're done trampling all over the legal system, you expect me to FIX everything up in a nice, neat little package so YOU can come out looking like heroes and I come out looking like a cold-hearted BITCH!"

Casey cursed herself the moment the words escaped her mouth. Her cheeks were completely flushed, a look of angered exasperation settling across her face. She felt humiliated by the wicked verbal thrashing Elliot had just given her, and she couldn't believe she had allowed herself to take it out on Seth. As her breath began slowing to a normal pace, Casey scorned herself for having lost control so easily. _Way to go Casey,_ she thought. _Way to go._

An intense look of hurt immediately washed over Seth's face, his smile fading completely. Casey's harsh words had cut him deeply, and it showed. He looked down at the floor, shocked and embarrassed. "No," he said quietly, answering her initial question. "I'm not going to accuse you of not caring about your job. I...I understand Elliot's frustration...but he didn't mean those things he said." Seth paused, now looking her in the eyes. "And I for one certainly don't think those things about you, Casey. If you say you can't help us out, then I believe you. I don't need an explanation. I mean, we all play for the same team and I know that you care about these victims as much as we do. I don't think you'd _ever _put yourself or your career before something like that."

Tears began to well up in Casey eyes. She felt awful. Her guard dropped, and she uncrossed her arms. "Seth, I..." she started, but the words failed her.

"You know I don't think that about you, Casey...right?" Seth continued, his sad brown eyes looking at hers. "You know that...right?"

"Of course, Seth. Of course I know that," Casey said in a calm voice. She had found her footing and slowly walked a few paces towards Seth. _What have you done?_ Casey thought to herself. _You've totally screwed things up with him now. How could you let this happen?_

Casey motioned towards Seth with one hand. "I'm sorry, Seth. I – I didn't mean what I said. I was just angry with Elliot, that's all. That was so insensitive of me and I don't know why I said it." Casey searched Seth's dark eyes, looking for some sign of understanding.

"It's okay," Seth said in a more formal tone, straightening up and looking away. "I understand."

But Casey knew better. She had really hurt him and she didn't even know why she'd done it.

Seth took a deep breath, forcing a phony smile. "Well, I better get going or I'll be walking back to the precinct."

"Seth, I really am sorry," Casey stared again. Before she could finish, Seth began backing out of the doorway to her office.

"Hey, it's no big deal. Just a normal bump in the road to justice," Seth joked unenthusiastically. "We'll give you a call if anything else turns up..."

Casey stood in the middle of her office looking at Seth, her mouth slightly hanging open. She wanted to say more, but couldn't find the right words. Instead, she shut her mouth and folded her arms across her chest again. She gave Seth a small, sad smile, fighting back the tears forming in her eyes. He nodded and ducked out of her office, heading for the car where Elliot would be waiting.

Casey stepped back and leaned against her desk again, looking up at the ceiling. She sighed deeply, realizing she had just completely alienated one of the only people she had actually grown to trust on a personal level in the Special Victims Unit. The guilt swept over Casey in a violent cascade, making her stomach feel twisted and empty. _Imagine how HE must be feeling right now,_ she thought. _Regardless of this silly crush you've had on him, he was actually becoming a good friend to you._

Casey stood against her desk for some time, wondering how on earth she would ever smooth over what had just happened. Seth had said it wasn't a big deal, but she knew him better than that. She had outright attacked him with absolutely no provocation whatsoever, and there was no reason he should forgive her. She had burned bridges like this before and knew what was coming. Seth would simply be polite with her from this point on. There'd be no official record of the incident between them, and life would go on. Like most uncomfortable situations that get buried between colleagues, the days would roll forward and after awhile, she'd probably forget all about her feelings for him. She'd forget all about how she had destroyed their entire relationship with her stupid, thoughtless words. Things would go back to the way they had been before she had ever met Seth, and she'd probably be better off because of it.

_Yeah, right, _the cynical voice in Casey's head scoffed.

Casey unfolded her arms, placing the palms of her hands on the edge of her desk. _This is exactly why I don't allow myself to get involved with people at work in the first place_. _Things get so...complicated._ Casey paused, pondering the thought. _I don't know, maybe I'm being overly dramatic. It's not like we were actually seeing each other or anything. Besides, maybe he really isn't too upset and this will all blow over. I'll just wait it out and see what happens...give him his space and not make a big deal out of it. I'm sure everything will turn out okay in time._

_If only you really believed that, _the doubting voice in her head quietly reminded her.

A single shiny tear rolled slowly down Casey's right cheek. She brushed it away with the back of her hand, giving a little sniffle. Casey stared at the open doorway to her office. Her head was spinning, as her brain tried to absorb everything that had just transpired. She hugged her arms to her body, feeling very small and very alone.


	4. Making Things Right

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**Chapter 4: Making Things Right  
**_September 2nd, 12:11 PM_

A.D.A. Casey Novak strode down the hall to the Special Victims Unit at a fever pace. Several people gave her a curious glance as she flew by, stepping back out of the way so as not to get run over. She had a determined look on her face as she bore down on the squad room, her briefcase in one hand and a tri-folded piece of paper with a light blue backing in the other.

_I hope you know what you're doing, kiddo, _she thought to herself. _If this doesn't pan out, you'll be back working for Mary Clark again._

Casey burst into the SVU squad room, drawing in a deep breath and scanning the room with her focused eyes as she moved. She stopped a few paces from Benson's desk, where Olivia stood talking on the telephone. Casey pursed her lips and shifted her weight to her hips. After a moment, Olivia hung up the phone and cast her attention towards Casey.

"Hey Casey, what's up?"

"Have you seen Stabler or Bauer?" Casey asked in a business-like tone.

Olivia gave Casey an inquiring look. "Uh, no. Haven't seen either of them since around eleven." Olivia placed her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrows. "What's that for?" she asked, motioning towards Casey's right hand with her eyes.

"Warrant to search Denby's apartment." Casey handed the piece of paper to Olivia with a sharp flick of her wrist.

"Wait a minute," Olivia said, taking the warrant and unfolding it. "I thought you couldn't get a warrant for Denby's place based on the evidence we had. Did Elliot and Seth come up with something new after revisiting the crime scenes today?"

"No, nothing new off the crime scenes, although they did come to see me this morning. Elliot managed to make me feel like a total jerk for not being able to get the warrant before now, and then, of course, like the jerk I _really_ am, I took the whole thing out on Seth...who, in spite of what I'd said to him, was then kind enough to remind me of why it is I took this job to begin with."

Olivia's look became even more perplexed. "Okay..." she said, the response sounding almost like a question. "It sounds like you and Elliot aren't getting along." Something in her tone suggested to Casey that Olivia was well aware of Stabler's ill-tempered disposition as of late. "I'll tell you what though, he and Seth are gonna be really happy you got the warrant. I take it you called in a few favors on this one?"

"Heh..._more_ than a few. Let's just say by the time I get done explaining this to my bosses, I may be getting a few days of unpaid 'vacation' time."

"It was that much of a stretch, huh?"

"I wish it hadn't of been, but there's so little to go on in this case right now. The truth is, I feel horrible for yelling at Seth, and I don't think I would've been able to sleep tonight if I hadn't at least _tried_ to rectify the situation."

"Jeez, Casey," Olivia said smiling. "I don't know if I could ever like a guy _that_ much."

Casey gave Olivia a sharp look. "Well, it helps the case either way. When you give them the warrant just do me a favor and make sure they understand the limitations."

"Sure thing."

"I'm already going to be in enough hot water over this, and it's certainly not going to help me any to have new evidence thrown out on top of it."

Casey's stern glare became more relaxed. Olivia thought she looked sad and tired, and much too old for her age. "Hey, cheer up," Olivia said, patting Casey's forearm. "I'm sure whatever you said to Seth isn't a big deal and he'll get over it."

"I hope so," Casey responded in an unhappy tone.

Olivia squinted her eyes, slightly cocking her head to one side. "You really like him, don't you?" she asked in a low voice.

Casey had been gazing thoughtfully over Olivia's shoulder. "Yeah," she said, looking Olivia in the eyes again. "Yeah, I guess I really do." Casey gave Olivia a small, depressed smile. "Too bad I probably won't get the chance to find out if he was actually interested in me."

"Oh, don't say that," Olivia consoled.

"You've dated coworkers before, right? How do you avoid the dangers of working together and having a relationship outside of the job?"

"Well, it's not easy. As you can see, I've yet to figure it out. Most of the time, you can't stop talking about the job because it's such a huge part of the time you share with that person. I've found that after awhile, it kind of makes the relationship implode."

Casey nodded her head in agreement, taking another deep breath.

"But if it's meant to be," Olivia continued, "then it's meant to be. The most you can do is give things a chance and see where they go."

"So do you think it's better dating someone you _don't_ work with?"

"No...not necessarily. Look, I think if two people are meant to be together, then there isn't any sort of obstacle they can't overcome, job or otherwise. I think the real trick is knowing you've found the right person and not giving up on them."

Casey nibbled at her bottom lip and sighed, seeming to brighten up a little at the thought. "Yeah, maybe you're right." She gave Olivia a sincere look. "Thanks."

Olivia closed her eyes and smiled. "Any time."

Casey turned and walked back into the hallway, leaving the SVU squad room behind her. With any luck, she'd make good time back to the office and be able to finish most of her paperwork before it got dark. It seemed like the day would never end, and Casey just wanted to leave the events of the morning behind her. She was sad and weary from the experience, and there was no telling what the rest of the afternoon might bring.


	5. All Apologies

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**Chapter 5: All Apologies  
**_September 2nd, 8:12 PM_

Casey leaned forward over the stack of legal briefs on her desk, stuffing some of the paperwork into her briefcase and placing the rest in a neat pile in the corner. The sun had gone down a few hours ago, and the darkness of late evening filled her office. The mood inside was gloomy and Casey carried a sad expression on her face. As usual, Casey had not been able to get as much work done in the office that afternoon as planned. She had been late coming back from the Special Victims Unit, and was called back after Benson and Stabler had executed the warrant on Denby's apartment. They hadn't found any traces of the cat litter, but they _had_ been lucky enough to make an arrest. Apparently, Denby had completely lost it when he returned home to find detectives rifling through his place, and he had pulled a knife on Elliot. After bringing him in to the station house on the attempted assault with a deadly weapon charge, Denby had started singing like a bird. It turned out Roger Denby had a long history of Obsessive / Compulsive Disorder, and he had gone into an especially manic craze after having his personal living space rearranged by the NYPD. Denby had been so worked up that he had been more than ready to confess on all three charges. The cool, sociopathic veneer the SVU detectives had become acquainted with was gone, replaced by a blubbering, child-like persona who blamed his victims for his actions. Denby claimed he was doing "God's work" by helping "purify" the city of all the "unclean" elements. Suffice it to say, Denby's condition had also been part and parcel to why he had left almost no evidence behind at all of his crimes scenes, and on all of his victims.

Marge Denby had high-tailed it over to the station house after one of Denby's neighbors had informed her of her son's arrest. While Denby had sat in an interrogation room spilling his guts to the detectives, his mother had promptly called in a lawyer on his behalf. Once Denby's attorney had shown up, he had of course gone through the motions of trying to get the confession thrown out. Denby's lawyer tried to argue that the police had no right to question him about the rapes and rape / homicide on the grounds that Denby had been brought in on the assault charge. Fortunately, because Denby had been read his rights and offered the information up on his own volition, Casey had no problem convincing Denby's legal aid attorney that the confession would stick. Likewise, Denby's lawyer hadn't been savvy enough to question the validity of Casey's search warrant. However, the 'cat litter warrant' wasn't something that slipped by the D.A.'s office undetected. After a decent tongue-lashing from Arthur Branch, Casey considered herself lucky to have only have received the heated monologue without any actual disciplinary action. Not that it helped her mood any. She had returned to her office later that evening even more depressed than before.

While Casey had been at the station house taking Denby's statement, Seth had been noticeably absent from the precinct. Apparently, Cragen had sensed the mounting tension between Bauer and Elliot on the Denby case, and Seth had been sent out with Munch to investigate a report of Indecent Exposure on the subway. Casey figured it was just as well that Seth hadn't been around. If they had happened to bump into one another, she doubted Seth would have had much to say to her. She also realized she was running a risk with Seth by obtaining the warrant for Denby's apartment in the first place, and that he might take her actions as "rubbing his and Elliot's noses in it". But considering how things had gone earlier in the day, Casey supposed it didn't really matter. She felt especially bad for mistreating Seth, and getting the warrant for Denby's place was the only thing she could think of to try and clear her conscience. Casey supposed the maneuver was somewhat self-serving, and it certainly hadn't helped her to feel any better about things with Seth, even after Denby's arrest. But with any luck, she had hoped it would at least benefit Seth by alleviating some of the pressure they had all been feeling from the Denby case. Elliot, at least, seemed to notice Casey's efforts, and he had apologized to her after witnessing Denby's statement.

"Look, Casey," Elliot had said pulling her aside in front of the interview room, "this case has really been eating at me and I'm sorry for what I said earlier. And I'm not just saying that because you got the warrant. You're good at your job and you always have the vic's best interests in mind."

"It's okay," she had replied with a heavy sigh. "I think we both said some things we didn't mean. We all get upset and take things out on each other from time to time. Believe me, I made myself a shining example of that after you left."

"You mean with Bauer?" Elliot had paused, considering the idea. "Yeah, now that you mention it, he did seem kind of 'off' when he came back to the car."

"No thanks to me." Elliot had seemed genuinely sorry, and Casey saw an opportunity to further rectify things with Seth. "Just promise me one thing?"

"You name it."

"Be nicer to Seth from now on."

Casey knew how passionate Elliot was about his job, and she was used to the idea that he lost control of his emotions from time to time. She had known he would apologize to her at some point, and she had felt a little better after her conversation with him. If anything, the conversation had made Casey realize that while it was okay for her and the other detectives in the squad to have words every once in awhile, she just didn't feel right about it with Seth. He seemed much more sensitive than most of the people she knew and worked with, and she had failed to fully consider how he might react to such things. It was fairly normal for her and her colleagues to get a little too personal with one another in the heat of an argument, but why, Casey wondered, was it so different with Seth? _Because you think so much more of him as a person, _the voice in Casey's head had reminded her.

All in all, it had been a pretty rotten day in Casey's mind. After taking Denby's statement, patching things up with Stabler, and her 'pep talk' with the D.A., she had returned to her office just as the daylight was starting to fade from the sky. She had spent the rest of the evening trying to get some paperwork done, but she hadn't been able to concentrate. Around ten past eight, she started packing up her things, calling it quits after a _very_ long and arduous day.

The small lamp on her desk illuminated the pitiful expression on Casey's burdened face, the sad features of her eyes and mouth highlighted in the enclosed darkness of the room. Casey sorted the last of her day's paperwork and snapped her briefcase shut. Turning slightly to her left, she noticed a long, thin shadow forming in the doorway to her office, shading the light from the hallway.

"Seth," Casey said with genuine surprise, looking up from her desk. "What're you doing here?" Casey's eyes had become wide and childlike as she walked around to the front of her desk, motioning to Seth with her right hand. "Please, please, come in..."

Casey could hardly believe that Seth was standing there before her, in the very same spot where she had yelled at him earlier in the day. _I wonder what he's doing back here, _she thought. _I guess this could either be a really _good_ thing, or a really _bad _thing._

Seth walked into Casey's office with a concerned, but jovial look on his face. "So, I got back to the house after Munch and I brought in this perv from the subway," Seth said approaching Casey, "and I hear that you somehow got a warrant for Denby's place? Roger Denby - the guy who's currently sitting in a cell waiting to be convicted of raping two women and killing another?"

Casey's wide eyes stared attentively at Seth. Her heart rate had sped up, and she had that strange tingly feeling in her stomach again. _He doesn't hate me after all,_ she thought to herself gleefully. _I mean, why else would he be here now? He's not mad, and he's actually smiling! Please let this be a good thing...PLEASE._

"Oh, right..._that_," Casey said, beginning to smile herself. "Well, after you guys were here, I thought about things and decided that getting the warrant was worth the risk of making myself look stupid."

"Casey," Seth said in a slightly reprimanding tone, "there was really no need for you to stick your neck out like that. Really, I didn't mean to make you feel guilty about anything-"

"No," she interrupted. "You didn't make me feel guilty. I made _myself_ feel that way, acting so horrible to you. The truth is, all those nice things you said about me made me realize that I _should _go out on a limb in this instance. At the very least, you deserved that much after how I had treated you. I'm really sorry, Seth." Casey felt a slight pressure in her chest, as her eyes began tearing up.

"Hey, it really wasn't a big deal, Casey," Seth consoled her. "I can be a REALLY big baby about stuff sometimes. I really need thicker skin in situations like that, and you ought to take my reactions with a grain of salt."

"It wasn't your fault that I was a total bitch to you for no reason, Seth. I think anyone's feelings would've been hurt."

"Well, I didn't mean to make you think it was some big deal. You were really upset, and I totally understood that." Seth gave her a touched look, slightly tilting his head to one side and smiling.

"Seth," Casey said in a more serious tone, "I'm really glad you came by and that you're not mad with me...it really means a lot. I was thinking about this all day and I just felt awful. You've been so nice to me ever since we started working together, and I never should've taken things out on you like that. There was just no excuse and you're the last person I'd want to hurt like that." She paused, collecting her thoughts. "Listen, this may not make a ton of sense, and it certainly doesn't excuse my behavior, but when I get embarrassed, or angry, or scared, I sometimes take it out on the people I'm closest too. You and I – I feel like we've become good friends at this point, and half the reason I yelled at you today was because...well, I guess I feel safe with you."

Casey's heart was pounding even faster now and her whole head felt electric. _I can't believe I'm telling him this,_ she thought. _But somehow...somehow, it feels right._

Seth stepped forward and put his right hand on Casey's arm, just near her shoulder, holding it there. Casey's heart swooned at his touch, and she felt as if she might melt right into the floor.

"It's really okay, Casey," Seth said, looking especially flattered. "I'm glad if you feel like you can come to me when you're upset about things. Granted, I'd rather you _talked_ to me about stuff instead of just yelling at me, but I understand what you're saying. That's why I'm not still upset about any of this. I realize you just needed someone to lean on, and I'm glad we're able to talk about it now."

Casey felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her mind, and a warm feeling of happiness washed over her. Seth let go of Casey's arm and shifted his stance, momentarily looking towards the floor. He cast his gaze back up into Casey's green eyes and smiled. "I really like you too, Casey. Getting to know you this past month has been really great, and I'd be really upset if we weren't friends any more."

_Just friends?_ Casey thought. _Or are you saying what I think you're saying? Are you saying the same thing as I am?_

"Me too," she agreed. "But I have to admit, you had me pretty worried today. I honestly thought you might never talk to me again." Casey's face bore a relieved smile and she looked hopefully at Seth.

"Wow, you're kind of basket case," Seth joked. "I am too. I think we make a good pair."

Casey laughed, her whole face lighting up. _I wish I could hug him right now, _she thought.

"So…we're okay?" Casey asked Seth in an innocent voice.

"We're okay."

They both drew in a deep breath, still gazing into each other's eyes. There was a moment of silence where they stood, not saying anything, just looking at one another. After a few seconds, Seth looked away bashfully. "So...anyway. I didn't mean to hold you up here, it looks like you're on your way out."

_Now's your chance,_ Casey thought. In her mind, she kept replaying the conversation she'd had with Olivia earlier in the day. _It's the right time, with the right guy, and you've got nothing to lose at this point._

"Yeah, I'm about done here for the night." Casey swallowed hard, mustering up all of her courage. "Listen, I was maybe going to get a late dinner," she said trying to sound casual. "You're more than welcome to join me if you'd like." Casey stared deep into Seth's brown eyes. A million years seemed to pass as she waited for his response.

Seth's whole face brightened at the question, and Casey's heart nearly skipped a beat. "Sure," he said enthusiastically. "That sounds great, actually."

"Good." Casey breathed a sigh of relief, beaming at Seth. She grabbed her briefcase and started putting her jacket on. "Let's go."

"What did you have in mind?"

_Oh, I don't know. __How about you take me right here on the desk? Sound good? _"How about...Chinese?" Casey suggested.

"Sounds great. After you." Seth placed a gentle hand on Casey's back as she walked out the door. Casey had her hair up in a bun and Seth surveyed the back of her long, slender neck as she moved. A few short stray red hairs cascaded down her neckline, and he thought about how graceful and beautiful she was. He wanted badly to gently kiss the back of her neck, to feel her creamy warm skin against his mouth. A part of Seth suddenly felt deathly guilty at the thought, as the tragic events of his sorted past once again came rushing back to him. _But I can't help it,_ he thought. _I have feelings for her and they aren't going to just go away. I can't keep beating myself up over this. I've got to move on with my life._

Casey sensed something was not quite right as she and Seth walked down the hall, but she lumped those feelings into the rest of the day's bad events. After all the anxiety she had experienced over Seth, the good and the bad, she was much too happy now to let anything else ruin the day. As they walked outside the building, they began chatting idly about their respective plans for the weekend. Casey hooked her arm into Seth's, and they both smiled affectionately at one another. Seth gently squeezed her arm in his as they walked down the sidewalk into the starry night. The end of the day no longer seemed so bad to Casey, and she brimmed with inner happiness at the thought of things to come.


	6. Hoops

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**Chapter 6: Hoops  
**_September 21st, 12:40 PM_

"Foul!" Seth yelled as he sat on the warm hardtop looking up at Casey. She was smiling down at him, holding the ball against her hip with her right arm.

"Please!" Casey said in a playful tone. "You lost control of the ball and fell down!"

"Fell down?" Seth said, chuckling. "Casey, you just knocked me on my _ass_!"

Casey rolled her eyes in a teasing gesture and dribbled the ball. "Okay, _whatever_," she said, pretending not to agree.

The sun sat high in the sky, making the mild, late-September day seem warmer than usual. Casey and Seth had been dating for the last two and a half weeks. When Seth had suggested that it was still nice enough out to play a game of basketball that weekend, Casey had jumped at the chance. She was never one to shy away from sports or fitness, and she had looked forward all week to "kicking Seth's butt", as she had so aptly put it. Seth had picked her up at noon and they had walked down to the basketball court near Casey's apartment. Seth had shown up in sneakers, blue gym shorts and an old, faded New Jersey Nets t-shirt. Casey had worn her black shorts and red tank top with black lining, her hair tied up in a ponytail. She carried a water bottle and white towel with her.

"Wow, you're pretty serious about this," Seth had joked with her.

"Wait 'til we get out on the court," Casey had elbowed him back. "You're gonna wish we had gone to the movies instead."

After warming up for a bit, they had started playing half court one-on-one, first person to twenty points won. Casey let Seth have the ball first, and she had bound after him on the court, following his every move like a magnet. Casey was extremely competitive at any sport, but she played far more aggressively than usual all afternoon. She had competed against a number of boys in her day, and she was having no problem at all holding her own on the court. After half an hour, the score was tied sixteen to sixteen.

"Well, help me up," Seth said, still sitting on the ground. He stuck his hand up at Casey, squinting in the warm midday sun.

Casey pursed her lips and pretended to roll her eyes again. She stuck her hand into his and pulled him forward. Seth quickly stood up, coming almost nose-to-nose with Casey. Still clasping hands, they gazed flirtatiously into each other's eyes.

"Thanks," Seth said, smiling at her. They were both breathing heavy and sweating, and Seth could feel the heat coming off her body in waves.

"Yeah, you're welcome," Casey said, licking her bottom lip. Casey thought some women might find a big, sweaty guy rather unpleasant to be around even when playing sports, but not her. Casey's aggressive style on the court that afternoon was a form of foreplay in her mind, and she'd had no problem at all getting _quite_ physical with Seth during game play. As it was, the most physical contact they'd had in the past couple of weeks had only been holding hands or putting their arms around each other. Seth hadn't kissed her yet, and Casey was beginning to wonder if she should make the first move. With any luck, Casey hoped her extra-physical performance on the basketball court that day might help clue Seth in. _And if not,_ she had thought at one point during the game, _I think just feeling his body up against mine like this will do for the time being._

"So do I get the foul or not?" Seth asked.

"I don't know," Casey teased, "Are you gonna whine about it afterwards if I don't give it to you?"

Seth gave Casey his infamous crooked smile and reached for the ball. Casey pulled it away, hiding the ball behind her back, a mischievous look on her face.

"Come on, Casey. That was a legitimate foul and you know it. The only way it could've been more legit is if you'd gotten a running start and jumped before knocking me over."

Casey laughed out loud, and looked at the ground. She rolled the ball back around to her front and tossed it to Seth. "All right, fine. Take your two," she said, trying to keep a serious face.

"Thank you," Seth replied sarcastically.

Seth dribbled the ball over to the free-throw line and stopped, holding the ball in his hands. Casey walked past him, taking her place under the basket. Seth couldn't help but glance at her toned rear end and legs while she walked. _She has a really cute butt,_ Seth impishly thought to himself as he observed the way her slender hips swayed back and forth in her black shorts as she moved. _And she's also doing a good job of kicking _yours, another voice in Seth's head pointed out. It was okay, though. Seth realized Casey was far more competitive then he was, and he had expected her to get really into the game. He was just having fun being with her, and he honestly didn't care who won. Although he realized if she _did_ win today, he'd _never_ hear the end of it.

"Stop standing there smiling like a dope and take the first shot," Casey shouted from under the hoop.

"Yeah, yeah," Seth said back. He bent his knees, using both hands to raise the ball up next to his head, over his right shoulder. Right as he was about to release the ball, Casey made a disruptive coughing sound.

"-_YOUSUCK!-_" Casey hollered, partially covering her mouth with her hand.

Seth stopped, almost dropping the ball, beginning to laugh. He gave Casey a defeated look. "Will you knock it off, please?"

"_Ahem!_ Sorry...sorry...something in my throat." Casey's smile was as bright as the sunny day.

Seth made the first shot, and Casey rebounded the ball to him. Again, he poised himself in front of the free-throw line. Seth noticed out of the corner of his eye that Casey was contorting her face and sticking her tongue out at him, trying to get him to laugh and miss the basket. Seth threw up the second shot, and again it went in. He looked at Casey and said, "How you like 'dem apples?" Casey rolled her eyes and grabbed the ball, taking it back to the mid court line. She stood behind the line and dribbled the ball in place twice.

"Eighteen to sixteen, my lead," Seth prodded.

"Please, you're going down Bauer."

"Well then, stop flapping your gums, Ace...let's get this over with so you can buy me lunch."

"Hah! In your dreams!"

Casey turned her back to Seth and began making her way down the court. He guarded her heavily, his hands darting in and out of her midsection, trying to grab the ball.

"Come on Novak, is that all you got?" he said into her ear as they neared the basket.

Casey pushed against Seth, rubbing her body alongside his and letting him surround her with his arms. "Game's not over yet," she said, making a break to the side and banking a lay-up. The ball swished through the net, and Seth caught it on its way down.

"Whoo-hoo!" Casey cheered, walking back past the free-throw line. "Score's tied!"

"All right, all right." Seth dribbled the ball, following behind her. He passed Casey on her left and turned to face her at the mid-court line. "Here we go...the score's tied eighteen to eighteen. This is it, Novak. This is where it all ends. Are you ready?"

"You're not getting by me this time, buddy. Come on, let's do this!"

"It's my ball...all I gotta do is make this last shot and the game's over," Seth continued to taunt her. "Looks like _you're_ the one who's going down, Novak."

"Only if you ask nicely," she quipped back.

Seth's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open at the innuendo. "Casey!" he said in a surprised voice, smiling widely.

Casey smiled back, moving closer to Seth. "Come on, stop foolin' around and get going," she pretended to scold him.

"All right," Seth said with a huff. He turned around and began dribbling sideways toward the net. Casey nearly climbed on his back, desperately trying to stop him from taking the shot. They swiveled under the basket and back out again. Seth stopped dribbling and turned, holding the ball above his head. Casey immediately put a hand in his face, reaching for the ball with her other, free hand.

_Gotta stop him,_ she thought, flailing her arms in front of Seth. Casey took a step closer, her body almost touching his. Her arms went up to the sides of Seth's head, as he kept moving the ball from side to side, just out of her reach. "C'mon tough guy, take the shot!" Casey said, breathily heavily.

Seth held the ball above Casey's head, looking at the rigorous expression on her face. Her concentration was on the ball and she didn't notice him gazing into her eyes again. Seth took a step forward, forcing Casey's arms to fall by the sides of his neck.

"Hey, that's traveling-" Casey began, shifting her attention to Seth's stare. He was looking at her intently and smiling. He had stopped fidgeting with the ball, lowering his arms and moving his body up against hers. He held the ball around her back and titled his head to one side. Still smiling, Seth moved his face towards Casey's mouth. She suddenly realized what he was doing and a quick grin broke out across her face.

Seth kissed Casey gently on the mouth as she began tightening her arms around his neck. He placed his free hand on the small of her back and pulled her even closer. Casey titled her head and closed her eyes, kissing Seth back, firmly pressing her lips to his. After a few seconds, Seth pulled his face away, still holding her. Casey slid her arms back, and gently caressed Seth's stubbly face with her hands.

"What do you say we stop now and call it a game?" Seth said in a low voice, looking deep into Casey's half-opened eyes.

"What's the matter?" she said in a sultry tone. "Were you so afraid I'd beat you that you had to come up with some way to divert my attention?"

They both smiled and laughed and kissed each other again. "Hey, I didn't do this for _my_ benefit," Seth teased. "I just figured you might want to declare a tie, seeing as how you knew you were going to lose anyway."

"Well, why don't we just _say_ you won, so the other kids at school won't pick on you?"

Seth took a step back and tucked the ball under his left arm. He looked at Casey, taking in all her beauty. They continued smiling at each other as Seth slid to Casey's side and put his around her. "Come on," he said, "I'll cook tonight."

Casey pushed herself up against Seth, wrapping her arms around him. "Oh, now _this_ I've got to see." They exited the basketball court still holding each other, walking back in the direction of Casey's apartment. Casey felt like she was treading on air and she couldn't remember the last time she'd been so happy. Her head was spinning and she clung to Seth, afraid she might actually fall over if she let go. She breathed in deeply, feeling the heat from their moist bodies as they walked down the sidewalk.

"You know," she said in a charming voice. "I think we ought to shower first before we start making dinner." Seth raised an eyebrow and gave Casey an obvious grin, not saying anything. She paused, giving Seth a coy look. "Maybe we can play some more one-on-one at my place."

They both laughed and kissed each other again. Seth rubbed his forehead against Casey's, and she kissed him lightly on the chin, her eyes closed. There was a slight breeze in the air and Casey breathed in deeply, feeling more alive than she ever could have imagined.

_And_ _I still would've won, _Casey thought to herself confidently, smiling up at the bright afternoon sky.


	7. Nightmares

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**A/N/W:** From Chapter 7 on, the themes become slightly more adult in regards to violence and sexual content. Nothing explicit enough to warrant an M rating, but just a heads up to readers all the same.

**Chapter 7: Nightmares  
**_November 16th, 3:14 AM_

Seth nearly screamed out loud, quickly rolling to his side and making a violent punching motion at the nothingness of the dark and quiet room. Sweat was pouring down his face and body, the sheets beneath him soaked with perspiration. His heart was pounding in his chest and his temples throbbed viciously. His breathing was out of control and he swallowed hard, his mouth as dry as sand. Seth's head was spinning, and for a moment he didn't know where he was. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, shaking away the dizzy spell. As his head began to clear, Seth turned and saw the familiar shape of Casey's body underneath the covers, the blankets rising and falling in sync with her slow, rhythmic breathing. He glanced at the alarm clock next to the bed. It was three-fourteen in the morning.

Wiping his brow and taking a deep breath, Seth's heart rate began to slow down. His hands were shaking and the cool night air in the bedroom sent a chill through his wet skin. Casey stirred in her sleep, frowning. _Having a bad dream too? _Seth thought to himself, trying to get his breathing under control. He surveyed the room with squinted eyes, following the familiar shapes and shadows. They were in his apartment and Casey had spent the night again. Looking around, Seth tried to remember the specifics of his nightmare, but couldn't. Not that it really mattered; they were always about the same thing. Seth had gotten to a point where the nightmares had become a regular part of his life. That was, until he and Casey had started sleeping together. For a while after he and Casey had begun spending the night at each other's places, the nightmares had gone away. But that was nearly two months ago, and the nightmares had returned almost full force in the last couple of weeks. Seth couldn't understand why, but he supposed it had to do with all the guilt he had been manifesting since he had starting dating Casey. Things had been going better than he ever could have imagined with her, but still, he was afraid. He was scared that he was going to really screw things up with Casey if he didn't get his head on straight. He had considered telling her the truth about his past, but the time just never seemed right. Seth sighed deeply and wiped the sweat from his forehead again, finally starting to cool down.

"You okay?" Casey called out from behind him in a raspy, half-asleep voice.

Seth turned, looking at her. The soft glow from the streetlight outside Seth's bedroom window illuminated part of the room and he could make out Casey's face in the darkness. She was looking at him through squinted eyes, the covers pulled up to her chin. She began lifting her head off the pillow, her eyes becoming wider. Her light red hair hung in messy tufts around her face, and she brushed a few strands back with one hand. "Seth? Are you all right?"' she asked again, more concerned. "What's going on?"

Seth swallowed hard again. "It's nothing. Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep."

Casey slid across the bed and put her hands on Seth's bare shoulders. "You're boiling," she said, still half-asleep. "And you're covered in sweat. Must've been a hell of a nightmare."

"I guess. I can't remember what it was about." Seth knew this wasn't entirely true and he felt bad for lying to her.

"Mmmm," Casey said, closing her eyes and resting her head on Seth's shoulder.

Casey hugged him lightly, making another sleepy, unintelligible sound. Seth reached up to his shoulder, taking one of Casey's hands into his. He kissed the back of it before letting it go. "I'm fine, really. You should go back to sleep, you have to get up early."

"What about you?" Casey said, sounding more awake.

"Aw, don't worry about it. I've gone to work on less sleep than this."

"Was it that bad of a dream?"

"I don't know," Seth lied again. "I just usually can't get back to sleep after a nightmare."

Casey rolled back to her side of the bed, sitting up. She paused on the edge of the bed for a moment, and then slowly stood up. Seth swung his legs back into bed, sitting up against the pillow. He was wearing only his boxer shorts and his body was still wet with leftover perspiration. He pushed the covers down with his bare feet and sat there, watching Casey walk across the room. She was wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of skimpy purple cotton panties. She flicked the light switch on in the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. _Yup,_ Seth randomly thought. _That's how you know you're definitely a couple – when you start going to the bathroom with the door open._

Casey returned to the bedroom after she was finished, tying her hair back as she walked. Seth watched her move through the darkness of the room towards him. Not for the first time, Seth remarked how strange it was that a hairy, pot-bellied lump like him had wound up with a girl he found so sexy and beautiful. Casey often played down the significance of her good looks, but Seth found her extremely desirable all the same. What struck him the most was how she claimed to be so attracted to _him_. Seth had always thought that a very uneven balance existed between men and women in regards to physical beauty. Women were really the attractive ones, and they usually had to settle for whatever apish, smelly guys they could find. The sight of his own naked body didn't horrify Seth, but he wondered all the same how someone as fit and good looking as Casey found him attractive. _But you know better than that,_ he would sometimes think. _She finds you attractive because of how she feels about you. You're the one who just so happened to luck out and get the whole package – she's got a great personality _and _good looks._

_And it's not the first time you've been that lucky, _the other, cold and guilty voice in his head would always remind him.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Casey asked, startling Seth from his train of thought. Casey was standing with her thighs pressed against the edge of the bed. She still had her arms up and was fussing with her ponytail, her back arched. The end of the t-shirt she was wearing bobbed up and down around her waist as she moved her arms, giving Seth quick glimpses of her scantly purple underwear. Against his better judgment, Seth could feel himself getting turned on.

"I'm not thinking about anything, really. I guess I'm going to go in the other room, so you can sleep. I don't want to disturb you."

"Poor baby," Casey said in an alluring tone. "I think I know how to help you get back to sleep." Casey shifted her weight forward, putting her arms down and giving Seth a sexy smile. She started climbing on her hands and knees on the bed towards him. She settled herself on top of him, placing her hands around his waist, lightly sticking her fingertips under the waistband of his boxer shorts. She kissed Seth seductively on the mouth.

"Mmmm...morning breath," Casey said in a groggy voice, yawning. They both chuckled and kissed again. Casey pulled back for a moment, reaching for the ends of the t-shirt she was wearing, pulling it off over her head. Seth ran his strong hands down her smooth bare back. Grabbing hold of her, they rolled over to the other side of the bed.

After they had finished and Casey had fallen back asleep, Seth laid on his side, pretending to be asleep as well. He stared out the window, watching as the hours passed and the sky became lighter. Although making love with Casey had been as pleasurable as always, he'd had a sick feeling in his stomach afterwards, the remnants of his nightmare still dwindling in his mind. _She's trying to complete you,_ Seth thought incoherently as the pigeons outside the building began to coo in the early light of the new day. _But I'm still only half a person._

Seth remained that way until the alarm clock went off at six-thirty. By that time, the uneasiness in his stomach had turned into a tight knot. After Casey had finally gotten up and gone into the shower, Seth stood in front of his dresser mirror, looking at the dark circles under his eyes. His hands were still trembling slightly, and deep within his soul he knew that something bad was headed his way.


	8. Gomez Pallarzi

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**A/N/W:** From Chapter 7 on, the themes become slightly more adult in regards to violence and sexual content. Nothing explicit enough to warrant an M rating, but just a heads up to readers all the same.

**Chapter 8: Gomez Pallarzi  
**_December 13th, 12:22 PM_

"This guy's a real psycho," Stabler said standing in front of the glass bulletin board in the SVU squad room. He pointed up at a picture taped to the board, tapping it with the back of his finger. The photo showed the angry face of a Hispanic man around the age of thirty-five. He had dark skin and short, nappy black hair. His upper lip was pulled back in a sneer, revealing a gold-capped tooth. There was a visible scar running from his forehead to his left cheek through one of his empty, soulless eyes. The name under the photo read 'Gomez Pallarzi' in bold, black typeset.

The entire SVU crew had gathered in front of the bulletin board for an update on the case. Don Cragen stood across from Elliot on the left side of the board, Munch and Fin to his right. Olivia stood directly across from her partner, and Dr. George Huang was leaning against a desk just behind her. Casey and Seth stood next to one another to Olivia's left, across from the center of the board.

Casey studied the board intently, making several mental notes as Elliot spoke. Seth glanced at Casey, watching her thoughtful expression. He knew she was gearing up for an eventual meeting with Pallarzi, and it made his stomach feel ill. There was just something about the case that made Seth very uneasy, but he couldn't figure out exactly what it was. He dealt with killers and rapists day in and day out, as did Casey, but this case was different somehow. Seth had an especially bad feeling about the investigation, and Elliot calling Pallarzi 'a real psycho' certainly didn't help. Seth reached up to the small bandage on the bridge of his nose, touching it lightly and wincing in pain. Casey noticed and turned to him, making a sad and concerned expression with her face. She reached over with one hand and rubbed Seth's arm. So far, it hadn't been a great day.

Gomez Pallarzi had raped and murdered two women they knew about, and he was suspected of attacking and killing at least three more. Pallarzi was a real sadist, torturing the women before they died, and then butchering their bodies afterwards. Although the SVU squad had not gathered enough evidence for an arrest warrant, they had decided to bring Pallarzi in for questioning all the same. Benson, Fin and Bauer had gone to pick Pallarzi up, after tracking his movements to an old, abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the city where he had been holed up for some time. When the SVU detectives had entered the building, Pallarzi had booked out the window into the alleyway. Seth had pursued on foot, tackling Pallarzi before he could turn the corner of the building. They had rolled into the street, falling on top of one another. Pallarzi had smiled venomously, grabbing Seth by the collar, head butting him and almost breaking his nose. Blood had poured down from the bridge of Seth's wounded nose, filling his mouth with a warm copper taste. Seth had responded quickly, drawing his gun and jamming it against Pallarzi's left temple. Within seconds, Olivia and Fin had joined Seth, surrounding Pallarzi on both sides. Gomez Pallarzi had beamed viciously up at the circle of guns pointed at him, his hands in the air as Seth lay on top of him.

"You all right?" Olivia had shouted at Seth.

Seth had spat a wad of blood out onto the pavement, still pointing his gun at Pallarzi and standing up. "Yeah, I'm okay," Seth had said, wiping the bridge of his nose with one hand. "Ow – damn it!"

After Pallarzi had been taken into custody, Fin had driven Seth to the hospital to have his nose checked out.

"Damn, rookie," Fin had said on the drive over, "ain't nobody ever told you how to take down a suspect wid'out getting your ASS kicked?"

"Hey, we caught him, didn't we?" Seth had said through his aching, puffy nose.

Fin had smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. "You keep that stuff up, and maybe next time you'll be lucky enough to get your ass _shot_. B'lee dat, rookie."

At the hospital, Seth had received three stitches for the deep laceration on the bridge of his nose. Luckily, it wasn't broken, but it hurt like hell all the same. When the nurse had placed a piece of white medical tape across the bridge of his nose to cover the stitches, Seth had nearly screamed. By the time he and Fin had returned to the station house, there was some slight purple discoloration between Seth's eyes, but the swelling had gone down. He and Fin had walked back into the squad, where the rest of the group was situated, awaiting their return.

"It ain't broken," Fin announced as he and Seth had walked through the doors of the squad room.

Elliot and Olivia had looked up from their desks, both seeming concerned. Captain Cragen emerged from his office at the sound of Fin's voice, and he had walked towards Seth, placing a hand on his shoulder. "That was a gusty thing you did out there, son," Cragen had said in his best 'concerned father' voice. "You be more careful next time."

"I will Captain. Sorry," Seth had said, feeling proud nonetheless.

Munch had been next to come by, patting Seth on the back. "Better you than me," Munch had joked, grinning. Seth had nodded and chuckled, his nose crying out in pain as he did. Olivia had followed suit, smiling her tender smile at Seth and rubbing his shoulder. After she had turned and walked back to her desk, Seth had looked up and Elliot had been standing before him. Elliot's hands were behind his back, his head sunk back into his shoulders, in what Seth had always thought of as Elliot's 'military stance'.

Elliot had breathed in deeply, a serious expression on his face. "Does it hurt?"

"Yeah," Seth had replied. "That son of a bitch nailed me pretty good."

Elliot had nodded his head in agreement, moving closer to Seth."I know, believe me. I've had the same thing happen to me more than few times. It's gonna hurt even worse in the morning."

"Great," Seth had said sarcastically.

Elliot had shuffled his feet, looking at the floor. After a moment, he had looked up and said, "I'm glad you're okay."

A surprised expression came over Seth's face, but he had felt genuinely touched all the same. As Elliot turned, joining Olivia back at their desks, Seth had smiled. "Thanks Elliot."

Just as Seth had turned to walk over to his desk on the other side of the room, Casey had come bursting into the squad room. She had a panicked look on her face, scanning the room with her wide and frightened eyes. As soon as Casey spotted Seth, her brisk walk turned into a run, and she had nearly knocked him over rushing to his aide.

"What happened?" Casey had shouted, her voice sounding young and afraid. "I got a call from my office saying you had been injured during Pallarzi's arrest!" Casey was fawning all over Seth, and he had put his hands up, trying to calm her. Casey's hands had gone immediately to his face, her fingertips gently caressing his cheeks. Seth had winced at her touch, pulling back. Casey had studied his face, gasping audibly. "Oh my god! Your nose! Seth, are you all right? Oh no, you poor thing!"

Seth had looked around, slightly embarrassed. The other detectives in the squad had been gawking at them, smiling. Cragen had smiled as well, shaking his head and going back into his office.

"Um, Casey?" Seth had said softly.

"Is it broken? Did you go to the hospital?"

"Casey," Seth had said more forcefully, motioning around the room with his eyes. "I'm fine. It's not broken. But thanks for the concern..._mom_."

Casey had suddenly realized everyone was staring at them, and she had lowered her hands, taking a step back. "Well, yes," she had said, trying to somehow sound more formal. "It appears like you're all right. I'm glad." Casey had motioned towards Seth, lightly brushing some lint off his shoulder with her hand, still looking at him with her scared doe eyes. "Sorry!" she had whispered through clenched teeth, raising her eyebrows in an 'oops' gesture.

After Casey and Seth had moved out into the hallway, the other detectives in the squad had looked around at each other, smirking. "I don't think I've ever seen Novak totally lose her composure like that," Elliot had said to Olivia in a low voice.

"I think it's sweet," Olivia had replied, smiling. "They're a cute couple." Elliot had simply rolled his eyes, standing up. After grabbing his coffee mug, he had walked towards the machine for a refill. He and Olivia were going to be getting first crack at an interview with Pallarzi, and Elliot had wanted to make sure he would be alert and on the ball. Pallarzi was just about as sick and evil as they came, and it had looked like he would be a tough egg to crack.

Almost an hour later, Benson and Stabler had returned to the squad room after getting almost nowhere with Pallarzi. The rest of the squad had gathered around the bulletin board, joined by Dr. Huang, waiting to see what Elliot and Olivia had to say. Liv had taken her place across from Elliot and the bulletin board, letting her partner do the talking. After making the obvious indication that Pallarzi was a complete psychopath, Elliot continued.

"The guy's like a friggin' stone you can't move. He's just got this vacant stare going on, and we can't budge him on either of the rape homicides. He hasn't asked for a lawyer yet, but he's having his fun with us in there, that's for sure. He knows we don't have enough evidence yet for an arrest on the multiple rapes and he's totally dickin' us around. I'm telling you Captain, I almost decked the guy a few times."

Cragen stuck his hands in his pockets, speaking to Elliot and the group at the same time. "Okay people, let's not resort to fisticuffs just yet. Olivia, what did you get off of him? Anything?"

"Nothing more than Elliot did," Olivia said with a sigh. "Like Ell said, the guy is a total head case. He thinks he's in control in there, and with the evidence we have, I'd say he might be right. I know one thing's for sure – he _hates_ women."

"But can we use that against him?" Cragen asked.

"I don't know," Olivia continued. "Every time I ask him a question, he doesn't respond. He just gives me this evil look...like he's imagining what it would be like to stab me to death."

"Maybe having a woman run the interview isn't the best idea," Huang interjected. "Pallarzi thrives on being in control, especially when it comes to women. He sees them as objects to 'play with'. This is why he tortures his victims before killing them. And the mutilation that takes place afterwards is a sign of his contempt for ALL women, not just the ones he's killing. It's his way of showing how deep his hatred for women truly is. Normally we would see these types of postmortem mutilations when the perpetrator knew the victim personally. Where it seems Pallarzi didn't know any of the women and chose his victims at random, I'd say this makes him especially dangerous. He mutilates his victims as an indication of how personally betrayed he feels by women as a whole. His actions may seem haphazard, but there are very individual and sincere motives behind them."

"Well, what do you suggest then, Doc?" Cragen asked matter-of-factly.

"For starters, see what you can find out about his past relationships with women, especially the relationship he had with his mother. This is not the average sociopath we are dealing with here. Pallarzi cares _very much_ about what he does to his victims, that's why he takes his time with them. For now, I'd also advise that Olivia stays out of the room. Her presence is only going to make him feel more in control. Send the male detectives in and see if they can 'make friends' with him. Pallarzi has an incredible ego, and he may be willing to open up if you appeal to his more narcissistic side."

"Heh, you should let _me_ in there with him. I can think of a few ways to get him to talk," Casey blurted out from the back of the crowd. Seth could tell by her tone that she was still very angry about what Pallarzi had done to him, and she couldn't wait to get 'ole Gomez in the hot seat.

Huang raised an eyebrow, giving Casey a curious look. "I wouldn't recommend that either. Until we know for sure that Pallarzi is going to cooperate, I don't think he should know that the prosecuting A.D.A. is also female. In fact Casey, you may want to see if your office can have a male colleague handle this one."

Casey pursed her lips, making an insulted expression. "My office isn't going to reassign the case just because Pallarzi has a problem with women. This is my case and I'm going to make sure that Pallarzi stays behind bars for a very long time." Huang could sense the defiance in Casey's voice, and he didn't push the issue any further.

Casey continued, her tone becoming less defensive. She spoke to the group. "We _need_ to get an indictment against Pallarzi for the rape homicides. Now that he knows we're after him, he's definitely going to be a flight risk once he makes bail on the assault charge. I can't ask for remand on that charge, so see if you can get a confession out of him before he lawyers-up." Casey gave Seth an affirmative look, and he again had that uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"All right troops, you heard her," Cragen said, motioning to the group. "Munch, Fin. I want the two of you to start digging into Pallarzi's past, like the Doc said. Find out anything you can about past girlfriends, as well as any female relatives, starting with his mother." Munch and Fin both nodded, moving for the door. "Stabler. I want you to go back in there and start playing to Pallarzi's good side. If that doesn't work, maybe Bauer can join you, and the two of you can see if using Pallarzi's attack on Seth will pump up the guy's ego. In the meantime, Seth, Olivia, I want you two to start going through Pallarzi's cell phone records. See who he's talked to in the past few weeks and if there's any connection to either of the victims. And if something comes up with the other three vics we suspect him of raping and killing, call me immediately. Let's go people, the clock's ticking on this one."

The group began to scatter in different directions, following the Captain's orders. Seth and Casey held back for a moment while Dr. Huang studied the bulletin board.

"What is it?" Casey asked Seth, looking into his eyes.

"I don't know, Casey," Seth said. "I just have a bad feeling about this guy."

Casey moved closer to Seth, holding his arm and speaking softly. "Is it because he hurt you?" she asked in a caring voice.

Seth was surprised by the question. "No. Nothing like that. I've taken my share of hits on the job, so that's nothing new. The guy's just totally psycho, like Elliot said. I don't like all this talk about his 'vicious hatred' towards women. And I especially don't like how eager you are to get yourself alone in a room with him."

Casey took a more serious tone with him, almost sounding insulted. "Hey, I'm a big girl, Seth. I can take care of myself." She paused, giving Seth a dubious look and lowering her voice. "I mean, we've talked about this...about keeping the job _separate_ from our relationship."

"Well, you didn't do a very good job of that this afternoon when you came in here and starting pampering me in front of everyone," Seth argued.

"That's different!" Casey countered, sounding slightly exasperated. "I was upset that you were hurt and I wasn't thinking about anything else. But I would still never stop you from going out there and doing your job. Now don't you stop me from doing mine."

Seth sighed. Casey could be especially willful at times and it drove him nuts. "Look, that's not what I meant. I just think that you're really upset about what happened to me during Pallarzi's arrest and it's affecting the way you're handling things. I think you're making this into a personal issue with the guy, and like Dr. Huang said, he's dangerous." Seth sighed again, collecting his thoughts. "I just don't want you to go on some crusade on my behalf, Casey. Just handle this like you would any other case and don't go out of your way to piss the guy off."

Casey's expression changed, becoming less irritated. "I'm not going to do anything stupid...do you think I want to blow the case just to get a rise out of this jerk?" Casey paused, lowering her voice again. "And I don't think Dr. Huang is totally right about keeping Olivia and I out of the room...but that's a whole other issue. Look, if you're that worried, then I promise I'll be careful with the guy. You just make sure you guys get something that I can use against him in court."

Seth could tell he wasn't getting through to Casey, and he didn't know what else to say. Her defiance was usually a real asset in her line of work, but in situations like this, Seth saw it as a definite detriment. Casey didn't seem to be grasping what he was really trying to say, although Seth knew he wasn't doing a very good job of communicating his feelings. She was speaking to him rather dismissively, as if he was only trying to play the 'big, strong protector'. Although that was hardly the case, Seth could see it was becoming a moot point.

"Yeah, all right," Seth gave in with a sigh.

Casey smiled at him, satisfied. She snatched up her briefcase, turning for the door. "Give me a call when you guys have something," she said. "And you take those painkillers the doctor gave you!" she added in a lower voice.

Seth watched Casey exit the squad room. Dr. Huang stood by the bulletin board, looking at him. "Am I crazy to be so concerned about this?" Seth asked the doctor.

"I don't think so, Seth," Dr. Huang replied. "But Casey's got a mind of her own and you have to let her make her own decisions."

"Yeah, I know."

"But balancing your jobs with your relationship is difficult?" Huang inquired, already knowing the answer.

"Well, yeah, of course. I think that's a given. But it really hasn't been an issue until now."

Dr. Huang nodded his head in agreement, not saying anything.

"But this is different, somehow," Seth continued. "I'm sensing that Casey has a personal vendetta against this guy on my behalf, and I think that can only lead to trouble." Seth motioned towards the bulletin board. "This whole thing - it doesn't sit right with me. It hasn't since the beginning."

"Well, I'm sure you realize that as a detective dating the unit's lead prosecutor, it's only natural that these kinds of feelings will sometimes come up during the course of an investigation. This has been a very difficult case for everyone. The brutality of these crimes is unusual, even for the Special Victims Unit. As much as you and Casey attempt to keep your relationship separate from work, you're not always going to be able to, particularly in a case like this."

"I know," Seth agreed with the doctor. "We've talked about this, and we both realize it's a tricky situation. Normally, I wouldn't feel this way. It's just..." Seth's words trailed off.

"If you're concerned about Casey, maybe try giving her some space. She may just need some time to calm down. Try talking to her again later and see if she's more receptive."

"Yeah, I think I'll do that," Seth said, still worried. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Dr. Huang said, turning for the exit. "Let me know if I can be of any more assistance in the case."

Dr. Huang took his leave of the SVU squad room as Seth continued to stand by the bulletin board, looking at Pallarzi's ugly mug. A moment later, Olivia came up behind him.

"We should get to work on the phone dump," she said.

"Right. Sorry."

The afternoon moved slowly ahead as Seth sat across from Olivia, the two of them going over Pallarzi's phone records. Elliot came back from the interview room a few hours later, saying that although he had managed to get on Pallarzi's good side, he hadn't been able to get any new information out of him. Shortly afterward, Munch and Fin returned with some better news. They had been able to uncover a history of violence against women throughout Pallarzi's past, beginning when he was in grade school. Munch, Fin and Olivia began trudging through the list of names they had gathered concerning Pallarzi's alleged previous attacks on women. But as the list grew shorter and shorter, no new leads were established and it seemed like the squad was approaching another dead end. After calling the last name on the list, Olivia hung up the phone and sighed heavily.

"Well, she was no help either," Olivia said to the other detectives. "She had the same story as everyone else – Pallarzi likes his sex rough, but is a decent enough guy. I'm telling you, these women are terrified of him. No one wants to talk because they feel lucky just to still be alive."

"Wait," Seth said still combing through the last few pages of Pallarzi's cell phone records. "There are a bunch of calls here to the same pizza place...it looks like almost every day for two weeks, some calls twice on the same day. Then nothing for a week or so...then they start up again, before ending all together."

"So?" Cragen asked as he joined the others, approaching Seth's desk.

"Well, you can't tell me this guy likes eating take-out _that _much." Seth paused thoughtfully. "Did either of the victims work at a pizza shop?"

Olivia grabbed her page of notes on the case, scanning the paper with excited eyes. "Yes, the first victim worked at Demitri's House Of Pizza, twenty-sixth and third."

"Same place," Seth said with growing fervor, looking at the phone dump. "Why haven't we interviewed the owner yet?"

"Because according to this, she quit working there almost two months before her death," Olivia continued. "It didn't seem relevant until now."

"There's gotta be a connection there," Cragen said. "Olivia, you and Seth go talk to the owner and any recent employees, and find out _why_ our first victim left her job at this pizza place."

"You thinking Pallarzi was stalking her before he attacked her?" Seth asked the Captain.

"Could very well be. If we can connect Pallarzi to her through the pizza joint, it just might be enough for an arrest. You two get going, and let me know what you find."

Olivia and Seth gathered up their things and headed for Demitri's House Of Pizza. After speaking with the owner and several current employees, they were finally able to catch a substantial break in the case. An hour later, they returned to the station house with their newly discovered evidence. Olivia went back to her desk while Seth and Elliot laid everything out for Pallarzi, placing him under arrest for the first rape homicide. Sensing that the end was in sight, Pallarzi lawyered-up, shutting down the interrogation. Pallarzi's exterior remained cool, and after requesting his lawyer, he ushered the SVU detectives out of the interview room. He spoke only once more as Bauer and Stabler exited the room.

"I should've taken your gun and shot you dead, pig," Pallarzi said to Seth, giving him a twisted smile. "You lucky I only smash your face in."

"Hey Gomez," Elliot fired back, both of them stopping in the doorway. "You might wanna melt down that gold tooth for cigarette money. Where you're going, it'll be about five minutes before you're somebody's bitch."

Seth said nothing. He just stood there staring into Pallarzi's dead eyes. Pallarzi sneered and stared back even more intently.

"Come on," Elliot said, tugging at Bauer's arm. "We're done with this douche bag."

Elliot and Seth walked into the hallway. "Somebody better call Novak," Elliot said. Again, Seth didn't reply and Elliot gave him a strange look before walking away. Seth stood in front of the interview room's two-way mirror, still looking at Pallarzi. Pallarzi stared back, somehow knowing Seth was just beyond his side of the glass. It was getting dark out and Seth had that tight feeling in his stomach again. A few small beads of perspiration stood out on Seth's forehead and his hands felt clammy. Soon, Pallarzi's lawyer would arrive and Casey would sit down with them to talk about any deals A.D.A. Novak had in mind. Yet somehow, Seth knew Casey wouldn't be in the dealing mood tonight.

"Bauer," Munch called from behind him. "We've got a body in a dumpster over on eighty-first. Possible sexual assault prior to death, but we won't know until we get there. Warner's over there now checking things out. The Captain wants you riding with me."

Seth turned and looked at John. He was making a jabbing motion to the side with his thumb, his eyebrows raised. Seth followed behind Munch, giving Pallarzi one more quick glance through the two-way mirror. Pallarzi still had a wicked grin on his face, but he was no longer looking up in Seth's direction. He just sat unmoving, staring straight ahead, his hands folded politely in front of him on the table, waiting for night to fall.


	9. No Deal

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**A/N/W:** From Chapter 7 on, the themes become slightly more adult in regards to violence and sexual content. Nothing explicit enough to warrant an M rating, but just a heads up to readers all the same.

**Chapter 9: No Deal  
**_December 13th, 5:10 PM_

Casey crossed her legs, shifting her position backwards in the chair. She gave Pallarzi's lawyer an annoyed glance, unable to believe what she was hearing.

"You must be dreaming," she said. "No jury will ever buy that. Your client _stalked _Ms. Gonzales for _weeks _before raping and killing her. We have signed statements from the owner of the pizzeria, as well as five different employees. They ALL knew about the harassing phone calls and will have no trouble at all identifying your client's voice."

"So I call for delivery all the time," Pallarzi said in his accented, snake-like voice. "They make my favorite calzones."

"Gomez, please. I'll handle this," Pallarzi's lawyer spoke up. "Well, what about it, Ms. Novak? You're meaning to tell me you can convict my client because a few workers in a restaurant recognize his voice? A jury won't go for it. I can personally assure you every order placed was legitimate and paid for."

"And you're meaning to tell me that calling the pizzeria multiple times a day and asking _specifically_ for Ms. Gonzales - even after she had quit her job _because_ of the constant delivery requests – _doesn't _constitute harassment?"

"So what? My client was a friend with the woman on a strictly professional basis. He enjoyed their food and requesting that Ms. Gonzales personally prepare and deliver his orders is _not_ a crime."

Casey shifted her attention to Pallarzi, who sat staring at her from the other end of the table. He cast his sick grin directly at her. She continued. "No, but _rape_ and _murder _are. Once we get Ms. Gonzales's former coworker on the stand, it's all over. No one else from the pizzeria other than our witness knew where Ms. Gonzales had relocated to, and your client spoke to our witness _the very same day_ Ms. Gonzales went missing. Once a jury hears his testimony and puts the pieces together, they'll have no trouble convicting your client of this crime."

Casey tried to ignore Pallarzi's presence, but she could feel his vacant stare burning holes through her. _Maybe Seth was right about him,_ she thought. _This guy _is _making me a little uneasy._

"Again, Ms. Novak," Pallarzi's lawyer countered, "all the evidence you have is circumstantial. No jury will convict on your witness's testimony alone."

"Who said that was all of our evidence?" Casey asked in a superior tone. She again looked at Pallarzi, who was still smiling viciously. He licked his lips and winked at her. _God, _she thought, _if I don't get out of here soon, I'm going to scream._ _Better not wait any longer to drop the bombshell._

"That's right, Mr. Pallarzi," Casey continued, her voice becoming angry. "You thought we didn't know about the 'trophies' you kept hidden underneath the floorboards of the abandoned warehouse where you were arrested, did you? My detectives just came back from there after finding the name badge Ms. Gonzales wore at Melanie's. You remember that diner, don't you? It was the one she was working at when you RAPED and KILLED her. Once the fingerprint analysis and DNA evidence gets back from the lab, you'll be looking at a lethal injection."

"Wait a minute –," Pallarzi's lawyer began. A horrible sneer had appeared across Pallarzi's face and he was starting to breath heavy.

_Gotcha,_ Casey thought self-assuredly. "Oh, and did I mention we also recovered all the other souvenirs your client kept from the FOUR OTHER rape homicides he's going to be convicted of? Consider yourself updated on the status of our case."

Pallarzi's charming veneer was beginning to peel off him like dead skin. He shouted at his lawyer, "This stupid bitch! She can't do that!" Pallarzi quickly turned his attention back to Casey, his eyes wild and crazed. "You can't touch me, stupid whore! None of you stupid bitches can tell me what to do!"

Casey's nostrils flared and her heart rate began to speed up. She cast Pallarzi a self-conscious glance, before turning back to his lawyer. She could tell Pallarzi sensed her nervousness and she wondered if she had gone too far. _Gotta be tough,_ Casey told herself, still feeling uneasy in spite of her intentions. _He's a rapist and a murderer, not to mention he hurt Seth. His ass is mine._

"Settle down!" Pallarzi's lawyer barked at his client, raising a hand. He quickly turned his flushed expression back to Casey. "All right, what kind of deal are we talking about here, Ms. Novak?"

Casey scoffed at Pallarzi's lawyer. "There's no deal. Your client is being charged with all five rape homicides." As an afterthought, Casey turned back to Pallarzi and added with a sneer, "Oh, and by the way Mr. Pallarzi, I'm still charging you with assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest."

Pallarzi's face instantly turned red with sadistic rage. "Stupid bitch! I show YOU!"

Pallarzi's lawyer put his hand up again. "Gomez! That's enough-"

"Stupid whore! I show you! I KILL YOU!" Pallarzi's screamed like some wounded monster, suddenly standing up and shoving the table towards Casey. The table slammed into Casey's stomach, pinning her in her seat. Casey's eyes became wide with shock and she made an audible 'huffing' sound as the wind was knocked out of her. Pallarzi's lawyer tried to grab his client's arm, and Pallarzi sent him flying backwards into the wall.

Pallarzi moved with the speed of a wild animal, leaping across the table. Casey had only seconds to react, trapped in her chair. She flinched and turned her head to the side, her arms going up in a defensive gesture. Pallarzi swam across the table, cocking his right fist back as he moved. His arm flew forward with agonizing speed and he punched Casey hard in the face, splitting her lip. Hot white pain exploded in front of Casey's closed eyes, and she could feel murderous hands clamping around her neck. Bitter, cursing breath and spittle sprayed her wounded face, as blood gushed from her throbbing mouth. Casey squirmed under the table, trying desperately to uncross her trapped legs.

Elliot came running at the sound of the scuffle, bursting into the interrogation room. Pallarzi was hunkered over Casey, kneeling on the table, his hands tight around her throat. Casey was beating the sides of his head with her fists and trying to push herself out of her chair, all the while gasping for breath. Elliot ran into the room, shoving the table backwards with all of his might. Pallarzi came tumbling forward and Elliot caught him, grabbing and twisting Pallarzi's muscular arms behind his back. Fin came running in after Elliot, helping him turn Pallarzi around, slamming Pallarzi's face into the wall. Pallarzi spat at the detectives, cursing them.

"I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU STUPID BITCH!" he screamed over and over. Pallarzi's lawyer lay in the corner, unconscious.

As Elliot and Fin cuffed Pallarzi, Olivia and Cragen came running into the doorway of the room. "Get him outta here!" Cragen yelled, a look of genuine horror on his face. Olivia ran to Casey, catching her body as she began to slump sideways out of her chair.

"Casey!" Olivia shouted. "Someone call for a bus, she's passing out!"

"Liv?" Casey said softly, trying to open her eyes. Her lip was still pouring blood down the front of her silk green blouse.

"Don't try to talk, sweetie," Olivia said, still half-frantic. "Put your head back. Just relax." Olivia crouched next to Casey's chair supporting the back of Casey's head with her hands, while Elliot and Fin dragged Pallarzi out of the room. Pallarzi was in a wild tirade, kicking and screaming at the detectives, still hurling his violent threats.

Cragen whirled around in the middle of the room, surveying the scene. His eyes were wide and dazed. "I'm calling the ambulance," he said to Olivia, rushing out of the room. "You stay with her 'til the paramedics get here."

Purple marks in the shapes of long, thick fingers were already beginning to show around Casey's neck as Olivia held her. Casey was out cold, but she was still breathing. _Thank God we got here when we did,_ Olivia thought, her mind racing. She vividly remembered the first time Casey had been attacked by a perp during the course of an investigation. She had been beaten her so badly she'd needed to walk with a cane for weeks following the incident.

_First Pallarzi attacks Seth, now her,_ Olivia thought, still holding Casey. _Seth's going to go nuts when he finds out._

After a moment, Cragen returned with the first aid kit, taking a look at Pallarzi's lawyer, who was just waking up. "What happened?" he asked, half conscious.

"Well, after your client shoved you head first into a wall, he decided to try and choke our A.D.A to death," Cragen said in an angry voice, helping Pallarzi's lawyer sit up. "I'd suggest referring him to different counsel if I were you."

A few minutes later, the paramedics arrived, placing Casey on a stretcher and carrying her out of the building. Another paramedic helped Pallarzi's lawyer walk down to the elevator and out to the ambulance.

"Is she going to be okay?" Olivia asked one of the EMTs outside the station house.

"I think she'll be all right," the woman responded. "She's breathing fine on her own, doesn't look like her windpipe is damaged. There's going to be some bruising and she's gonna have a hell of a headache when she wakes up."

_Her and Seth both,_ Olivia thought.

As the ambulance drove away, sirens blaring, Cragen stood next to Olivia, watching the flashing red lights fade into the far off darkness. "Don't radio ahead to Munch and Bauer. I'll handle things when they get here," Cragen instructed Liv.

Olivia gave the Captain a curious look, but nodded her head in agreement, her arms crossed. "All right. I think I'm going to take a ride on over to the hospital, anyway."

"Keep us posted on Novak's condition."

"I will," Olivia promised.

Cragen turned and walked briskly back in the direction of the station house. He had a bad feeling about what was coming next, and he wanted to nip it in the bud before Munch and Bauer returned. Cragen knew all about the omitted information from Bauer's file, and he could only imagine what Seth might do once he found out what had happened to Casey. Cragen paused at the entrance to the station house, looking up at the dark gray clouds. He cursed the dreary night sky and went back inside the building.


	10. Pain and Guilt

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**A/N/W:** From Chapter 7 on, the themes become slightly more adult in regards to violence and sexual content. Nothing explicit enough to warrant an M rating, but just a heads up to readers all the same.

**Chapter 10: Pain and Guilt  
**_December 13th, 7:06 PM_

Casey shifted her position in her hospital bed, noticeably angered. "This is stupid," she said to Olivia. Liv had arrived fifteen minutes before and sat in a white plastic chair facing Casey's bed. "I told them, I'm FINE. I really don't need to stay here overnight."

Olivia gave Casey a patient look. "They're just holding you for observation. The doctor said you asphyxiated and they want to make sure you're okay before sending you home."

The strangulation marks around Casey's neck were quite visible, as was the nasty gash splitting her bottom lip, which had swollen to almost twice its normal size. It hurt like hell to talk, but Casey was too riled up to care. She'd been attacked on the job before, but this time she had seen it coming and she was quite incensed by the whole ordeal. Her injuries were minor compared to the other time she had been attacked, and she was mad at herself for not taking Seth's concern more seriously. _I could have avoided this whole damn thing,_ she thought to herself. _Why did you let me just walk away, Seth? You knew this was going to happen and you should've tried harder to stop me._

Casey's brow furrowed and she made a pouting expression with her bruised mouth. She didn't actually blame Seth for what had happened to her. She blamed herself. In spite of her tough exterior, Casey was very shaken by the experience, and she wanted more than anything for Seth to console her about had happened. She wanted him to hold her in his strong arms and rub her back, and tell her it was okay that she had messed everything up.

"The doctor said everything looks okay...I can walk and talk and I'm breathing fine," Casey argued with Olivia. "My head and throat hurt, but I really need to get out of here." She paused, her tone becoming innocent. "Why hasn't Seth come yet? He must've returned to the station house by now."

"I don't know," Liv said, exasperated. Olivia hated seeing Casey so upset and she couldn't stand not being able to comfort her. A sick feeling of _déjà vu _swept over Olivia, and in her mind she kept reliving the similar experience she'd had with Casey after her first attack. "I can give the house a call again and see what's taking so long. I think Cragen wanted to talk to him first to prepare him."

"Would you do that?" Casey's voice was worried, her expression seeming pitiful and out of sorts. Olivia smiled and got up from her chair, going out into the hallway to call Cragen again on her cell phone.

"Still no sign of Bauer?" she asked Cragen after he had answered the phone.

"Nope. And he still hasn't shown up at the hospital?"

"No, and Casey's starting to ask questions. I don't know what to tell her, Captain. Why are we being so secretive about this?"

"Look, Olivia," Cragen said. "I'm really not at liberty to discuss it. And besides, I don't think Novak needs to be any more upset than she already is right now. I've got Munch out looking for him, and I'll let you know if and when he finds him. In the meantime, keep stalling."

"I don't get it, Captain. Munch said that when the uniformed officers told them that our A.D.A had been attacked, Seth had left the crime scene immediately. That was almost two hours ago and he still hasn't shown up here. Why wouldn't he have come right to the hospital?"

"I don't know, Olivia," Cragen said with a sigh. "I tried to reach them before word got around about Casey's assault, but news like this travels quickly. I don't know where Bauer is or what he's doing. But I'm sure he'll resurface eventually."

"But you _do_ have an idea as to why he's disappeared, don't you?" Liv asked in a lower tone. "Casey's his girlfriend, Captain. You've seen the two of them together, and you know how important they are to one another...she has a right to know what's going on."

"I can't explain right now. Just keep playing dumb with Novak...are we clear?"

Olivia gave her cell phone a surprised and insulted look. "All right, Captain. Give me a call when you know something."

Olivia hung up her phone and turned with a sigh, heading back to Casey's hospital room.

Casey immediately sat up, wincing in pain as she did. "Did you talk to Seth? Is everything all right?"

"Still no word, sweetie. I'm sorry."

"I don't understand this. Do you think something happened to him?"

"I'm sure he's fine, Casey. We just don't know where he is right now."

Casey's breathing became faster, and her face began to scrunch up. Her voice went up several octaves as the tears began to spill down her cheeks. "Why isn't he _here_?" she burst out in a distressed voice. "Doesn't he care about what's happened to me? I don't understand. Where is _he_?"

Liv sat down in the chair next to Casey's bed again, taking her hand. "I don't know what to tell you, Casey. I'm sure Seth's very concerned about what happened, but not everyone deals with stuff like this especially well." Casey looked up hopefully at Olivia with sad, tear-filled eyes. "But I know that Seth thinks the _world_ of you, Casey. Try not to worry, I'm sure he'll show up soon."

Casey turned her head to the side and looked out the window into the black night sky. _Where are you, Seth? I need you, _she thought, sniffling.

"Listen, I have to get back to the station house," Olivia said. "We've got a bit of mess to clean up there."

Casey turned her attention back to Olivia. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she had stopped crying. She spoke in a more even tone. "What about Pallarzi?"

Olivia shrugged her shoulders, standing up. "He'll be spending the night in one of our holding cells before his arraignment tomorrow. After that, it's up to the D.A.'s office how you want to proceed."

"Oh, I'll be at his arraignment tomorrow, you can bet on that," Casey said defiantly, sounding angry again. "I said I wasn't handing this case over and I meant it."

Olivia gave Casey a defeated look. "Just get some sleep, okay?"

Casey paused, her expression becoming calm again. "Thanks, Olivia."

"Sure," Liv said sweetly, exiting the room.

Casey slid down in her hospital bed, sighing. She was far more upset than she wanted to admit, and she was fighting to hold back the tears. She had gained consciousness on the ride over in the ambulance, and in her bewildered and frightened state she had kept telling herself the same thing over and over. _It won't be like last time. Seth will take care of me and I won't be alone. _But she had been at the hospital for several hours and Seth was nowhere to be seen. Casey appreciated Liv staying with her for a while, but she didn't buy Olivia's excuse that Seth was "on his way" back to the squad room. She felt like Olivia was hiding something, but she couldn't imagine what. _I know Seth better than anyone, and I'd know if there was a legitimate reason why he hasn't shown up yet...Wouldn't I?_

She had to admit, as much as she cared for Seth, she sometimes felt like she didn't know everything about him. She felt that maybe there were things Seth wanted to share with her about himself, but felt he couldn't; at least not yet, anyway. Casey believed they had a very open and honest relationship, and she certainly didn't think he was lying to her about anything. For the most part, anything that had to do with the two of them as a couple Seth was very open and loving about. They had even begun talking about their future together and he seemed quite comfortable with the subject. But when it came to the topic of his own past, it seemed like there were parts Seth "skipped over". She knew a little about his childhood and about where he had grown up, as well as what he had done while working in Narcotics. But he was always so vague about anything that had taken place between his adolescent years and his first few years on the force. Then, of course, there were the nightmares. He never wanted to talk about his bad dreams, which had only seemed to become worse and more intense with time. She thought the nightmares could possibly be related to job stress since Seth had never worked in a Special Victims Unit before. She had suggested he try talking to someone like Dr. Huang about his dreams if he wouldn't talk to her about them, but according to Seth, he never remembered what they were about. Casey wasn't sure if she believed him, but she tried to give him his space, knowing that it was a sensitive subject. After awhile, she had begun to think it might be best to pretend she was sleeping when Seth would wake up in the middle of the night, panicked and sweating. But she couldn't bring herself to do that. She always got up with Seth after one of his nightmares, and she would hold him and kiss his forehead, waiting for him to calm down. One time he had even woken up crying, and she had cried with him. She didn't push the issue, but she was always there for him. That's why it was so confusing and hurtful that Seth wasn't with her now.

She loved him; that much was true. Casey had always been so independent, and she had never imagined needing someone in her life so much. But her affection for Seth had blossomed into a real, mature devotion over the last several months. They had even begun saying, "I love you" to one another, and it filled her heart with a special joy she had never known before. Seth had been the first to say the words, after they had gone to the park for a picnic lunch and a game of softball one afternoon. The sunny sky that day had suddenly become dark and menacing, and the rain had begun to spill down in buckets. Everyone in the park had scattered, seeking shelter from the sudden downpour, but they had remained. Seth had pulled the tablecloth they were sitting on over their heads, and they were drenched within seconds.

"What are you doing?" Casey had yelled over the sounds of the storm.

"I love you," Seth had said as plain as day, looking deep into her sparkling jade eyes.

"What?" Casey had responded, taken aback by Seth's sudden outpouring of emotion.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Casey had quietly replied, living and dying all in the same instant.

They had kissed each other passionately, suddenly unable to feel the rain any more. They had gone back to her place sopping wet, and had stayed in bed all the rest of that afternoon. By the day's end, Casey had known that she was truly in love for the first time in her life.

Casey smiled at the memory and turned on her side, swallowing hard. It felt like someone had lit her throat on fire and then raked over it with a rusty pitchfork. She swallowed again, the pain not as severe the second time, an indication that the medication she had been given was finally starting to kick in. A few raindrops had begun to slide down the window outside, and again Casey thought of the day she and Seth had spent in the park together. _Where are you?_ she thought to herself again, her eyelids becoming heavy. The rain began to pick up, smattering the window in noisy, wet sheets. By the time the rain had turned into a steady, comforting downfall, Casey had fallen fast asleep, snoring lightly through her sore and injured throat. Outside, the wind picked up and the night moved on.

Somewhere in the cold darkness of the city, a dazed Special Victims Unit Detective named Seth Bauer paced up and down a familiar, litter-strewn alleyway in the pouring rain, mumbling to himself. Had anyone seen him or been listening, they could have made out the one phrase he kept repeating over and over again: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

The wind howled and Seth stopped, suddenly looking up. He had a pained expression on his face; his eyes and mind a million miles away. He sighed heavily into the cold rainy night air, knowing what he had to do.


	11. Dreaming

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**A/N/W:** From Chapter 7 on, the themes become slightly more adult in regards to violence and sexual content. Nothing explicit enough to warrant an M rating, but just a heads up to readers all the same.

**Chapter 11: Dreaming  
**_December 13th, 11:10 PM_

"Seth?" Casey asked in a slurred, muffled voice. She tried to open her eyes and move her head, but she couldn't. She could still hear the rain outside, but it sounded deep and hollow. All the sounds around her, including her own voice, echoed through her sluggish brain, and the whole room felt like it was waving back and forth, side to side. She knew she was dreaming.

After considerable effort, she was finally able to open her eyes halfway, and she looked around the hospital room in her dream, knowing Seth was there somewhere. She heard the soft 'plinking' sounds of raindrops on the hospital room floor. The room was completely dark except for the dim light cast in from the hallway. In her dream, Casey realized the dripping sounds were coming from next to her bed. Her vision was cloudy, and she strained her eyes, peering out into the shadows of the room.

There was a dark, menacing shape poised in a chair in front of her. She could barely make out the person's face in the dim light, but whoever he was, he was soaking wet. When he spoke, she realized the dream-person in her hospital room was Seth. His voice was tinny and strange, just like all the other sounds in the room.

"I'm sorry," he said in a deep, uneven voice, slowly turning his head to one side. "I let you down before, but I won't let it happen again."

Casey felt like she was floating underwater and the pain from her injuries no longer seemed to exist. "Seth..." she said through lips that didn't want to move. "Fell off my bike...cut my chin. Why...you didn't...help me?"

Dream-Seth didn't answer her; he just sat there unmoving.

"Mom said...don't cry," she continued in her garbled dream-speech. "Dad...be home soon."_ That happened when you were six, _her far off, inner dream voice said incoherently.

Seth suddenly moved forward into the light by Casey's bed. His face was distorted and ugly, and his skin looked like it was a dull gray color. In her dream, she thought Seth was dead. He reached for her, gently brushing his cold hand across her cheek. "Shhh," he said, looking down at her. He squeezed her hand lightly, then pulled away and stood up, the raindrops still falling from his wet clothes.

_He's dead,_ Casey's confused dream-brain thought. _He died in a car accident and is lying out in the rain somewhere._

"I love you," Dream-Seth said in a far off voice.

"Love you...too," Casey said, closing her eyes again.

Seth was gone and she fell back into the darkness of her dream. In the morning she wouldn't remember having had the dream at all. Nor would she understand why there was a small puddle on the floor next to her hospital bed when she woke up. She would dismiss it as some kind of accidental spill, perhaps a glass of water that had fallen off the nightstand while she had slept, never knowing Seth had been in her hospital room that night.


	12. Waking Up

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**A/N/W:** From Chapter 7 on, the themes become slightly more adult in regards to violence and sexual content. Nothing explicit enough to warrant an M rating, but just a heads up to readers all the same.

**Chapter 12: Waking Up  
**_December 14th, 8:03 AM_

Casey sluggishly opened her eyes, the bright daylight that filled her hospital room instantly giving her a headache. After the heavy dose of pain meds she'd been given the previous evening, she had slept straight through the night. Casey yawned, her bottom lip crying out in pain. Her mouth was dry and she felt like she'd been hit in the face with a wrecking ball. Casey rolled over and sat up against her pillow, the pain worsening as she moved. Her body felt stiff all over and she gave a small moan as the nurse entered her room. Casey looked to the floor and noticed a tiny puddle of water. She stared at it for a moment, wondering why it was there.

"Good morning," the nurse said in a much-too-chipper tone, carrying a small tray with her into the room. Casey turned her attention away from the floor, responding with an unintelligible sound and giving the nurse a pained smile. "Oh, don't try to talk if it hurts, dear," the nurse said. "Here's your pain medication." Casey took the small white cup off of the tray and fished out two yellow capsules. She downed them with the cup of water the nurse had also brought into the room, swallowing hard and grimacing.

After the nurse had left, Casey looked around the room for any indication that Seth had been there. Her heart sank and she sighed, confused and in pain, her head feeling spacey and her throat still very sore.

When she could speak better, Casey called her boss, Arthur Branch, from the phone next to her hospital bed. She told him she was going to be discharged that morning and she wanted to know where they were at with the Pallarzi case. Branch sighed and told her there wasn't going to _be_ a Pallarzi case, at least not any time soon, and she ought to take a few days off. Puzzled, Casey asked him what was going on, but D.A. Branch wouldn't elaborate. He simply told her it would be better if she heard 'the news' from someone in the SVU squad.

Casey dressed quickly after talking to Branch; she was eager to find out what could possibly be happening that was so dire and secret. More importantly, she wanted to know where Seth was and why he had never checked in with her the night before. After Casey signed herself out at the nurse's station, she looked up to find Olivia standing there, waiting for her.

"Need a ride?" Olivia asked in a somewhat sad tone. Casey could tell by the look in Liv's eyes that something was _very_ wrong.

"Olivia," she said, sounding somewhat surprised. "What's going on? Is everything all right?"

Olivia looked down, the sad expression remaining on her face. "How are you feeling?" Olivia asked, side-stepping the question.

"I'm fine," Casey said curtly, waving the question away. "What's this business with Pallarzi? The D.A. wouldn't tell me what's going on. And where's Seth?" Casey began to raise her voice, becoming alarmed. "Why won't anybody tell me what's happening?"

"Casey," Olivia said in a calm tone, trying to prepare her. "Seth's in jail. Last night...he went back to the station house and nearly beat Pallarzi to death."

Casey's draw dropped open and her eyes became wide. "_What?_" she spat at Olivia, her large green eyes beginning to tear up.

Olivia folded her hands in front of herself, taking a step closer to Casey. "I wasn't there when it happened Casey, so I don't have all the details. Huang is saying he suffered some kind of freak 'episode'. He doesn't remember much and he won't talk to anyone."

A single tear spilled down Casey's cheek as she continued to look at Olivia, unable to believe what she was hearing. "Why on earth did he _do_ that?" she asked in a soft voice. "This makes no sense. Seth's not violent like that. How did this happen?"

"I'm not entirely sure. According to the desk sergeant on duty last night, Seth went to Pallarzi's holding cell around midnight. The sergeant said he heard some shouting and scuffling...then the next thing he knew, Seth was dragging Pallarzi out of the ward unconscious." Casey's bottom lip started to quiver ever so slightly. "I guess Seth told the sergeant he was taking Pallarzi to one of the interrogation rooms 'for questioning'."

"For questioning...unconscious? At midnight?"

"Right...that's what the Sarge said. Anyway, I guess he gave Cragen a wake-up call and told him what was happening. The Captain rushed over to the station house, where he found Seth in a room with Pallarzi..." Olivia paused, not wanting to continue.

"_And_...?"

"You may not want to hear the rest of this now, Casey. Why don't we get you home and we can talk more about it later."

"No, Olivia. _Now_."

Olivia sighed, but went on. "Cragen said Seth was hunched next to Pallarzi, both of them kneeling on the floor. Pallarzi's wrists were handcuffed behind his back. It looked like Seth had waited for him to wake up, then he had beaten the crap out of him. He had broken Pallarzi's nose and almost put his head through the two-way mirror...Cragen said you can see the spider web of cracks from the other side. By the time Cragen got there, both Seth and Pallarzi were covered in blood and Seth didn't seem to know where he was or what he was doing. Pallarzi passed out again after that. I guess that's when the Captain called for an ambulance and took Seth into custody."

"I can't believe this," Casey whispered aloud.

"That may not be the worst of it, Casey. I don't think I need to tell you, Seth may lose his job."

Casey's mind tried to absorb the information Olivia was giving her. "Well, what are they saying? Is he going to be charged with something?"

"I don't know," Olivia said again, trying to make sense of things herself. "Pallarzi's in the hospital ward at Bellevue. His face looks like someone ran over it with a tractor."

"Good," Casey said through flared nostrils, folding her arms. She had looked away from Olivia, her response sounding forced and insincere. Although she _was_ glad Pallarzi had finally gotten what he _really_ deserved, it wasn't Casey's way to condone acts of revenge.

"Well, where is Seth now?"

Olivia glanced down at her watch, noting the time. "I imagine he's on his way to the arraignment hearing, if he's not already there now."

"Well, we've got to do something! Does he have a lawyer? I'll take on the case _pro bono_ if I have to! We've got to get down to the courtroom!" Casey turned and started walking away at a fast pace, ignoring the stiffness and cramps that ran through her body. Olivia lingered behind her.

"Casey," Olivia said rather forcefully. Casey stopped, turning back around and looking at Olivia with questioning eyes. Liv sighed deeply and continued. "As far as I know, things are being taken care of. Dr. Huang is going to be there speaking on his behalf." Olivia paused, thinking. "And there's something else. Seth said...he doesn't want to see you."

"What?" Cased asked in a hurt voice. "What do you mean 'he doesn't want to see me'? Did he actually _say_ that?"

Olivia walked a few paces forward, joining Casey. "I'm afraid it's about _all_ he said. I really don't know what to make of it, Casey. Maybe he doesn't want you to see him in his current state. He's really not himself right now."

Casey stood there, flabbergasted. Fresh tears began to spill from her eyes. She pursed her lips, the old defiant look creeping back across her face. She stared at Olivia, her expression becoming angry. "That's _crap_," she said, her tone leveling off again. "I'm going down there and I'm getting to the bottom of this."

Against her better judgment, Olivia agreed to drive Casey to the courthouse to try and intercept Seth. They missed his arraignment by about five minutes, arriving just as Dr. Huang was gathering his things and leaving the courtroom. Casey grabbed Huang by the arm, pulling him to the side.

"What in the hell is going _on_?" she asked Huang frantically.

Dr. Huang reached up and gently stroked her arm, trying to comfort her. "Casey, you know I can't divulge the specifics of what Seth has told me. What I _can_ tell you is that it appears he's suffered a mild psychotic break from reality. He's doing better now, but he isn't quite back to normal yet."

"But what about the charges against him? Is he going back into the system?"

Huang made a sympathetic face. "We don't know what charges, if any, are going to be brought against him yet. For now, the judge has agreed to release Seth into my care for evaluation. Rather than sending him straight to Psych Services, Captain Cragen thought it might be in Seth's best interest if I intervened. He paged me last night and I've been monitoring Seth's behavior ever since. So try not to worry...I'll make sure he's taken care of. When I feel he's fully recovered, I'll call you with an update. Until then, I think it would be best if you don't see him or speak to him."

"Wha-," Casey began, her words turning into a sob. She was breathing heavy and it felt like there was a lead weight in her chest, weighing her heart down. "How can this be happening? Do you know when you'll release him?"

"I don't know, Casey," Huang said in his soft, even voice. "But I promise I'll call you as soon as I do."

Following her conversation with Dr. Huang in the courtroom, Casey had gone home speechless and exhausted. She called the D.A. back, deciding to take the time off from work after all. Under any other circumstances, she would have gone back to work as soon as possible to help get her mind off of things. But this was different, somehow. She was devastated by everything that had happened, and she felt that going back to work would only make things worse, knowing why Seth wasn't there. Casey spent the next three days and nights sitting by the telephone, willing it to ring. On the third night around six in the evening, she finally received the call she had been waiting for.

"Hello?" Casey blurted into the telephone, praying it was Dr. Huang with some good news.

"Hi," Seth's sad and small voice said from the other end of the line.

Casey's heart leapt into her throat at the sound of Seth's voice, the sick feeling that had been digesting through her stomach for the past four days finally abating. "Seth!" she gasped into the phone. "What happened, baby? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he said, sounding distant. "Casey...I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything."

"Where are you? Do you want me to come get you?"

"No...I'm still in the psych ward. Dr. Huang said I can go home tomorrow, and he thought I should call to prepare you."

"Seth, I don't understand any of this. The things people were telling me, I didn't believe them. They said you didn't want to see me."

Seth remained silent, not answering her.

"So, it's true then?" Casey asked in a wounded, tearful voice. "What did you do, Seth? Why did you go after Pallarzi like that? Why didn't you just come to the hospital to be with me?"

"I don't know, Casey. I only remember bits and pieces, really. Look, I can't talk about this over the phone. I'll come by tomorrow and I'll try to explain things."

It was Casey's turn not to respond. She had waited long enough and she wanted some answers. After a moment of shared silence, Seth spoke again.

"I know you're mad. And I know I've screwed everything up. But please...please just know that I love you, Casey."

Casey's heart crumbled and she gave in. Her voice was shaky. "I'm not mad, Seth. I love you too. I've just been through HELL these past couple of days and NOTHING'S making any sense. Please come home, Seth. I need to see you."

"I will," Seth said in his sad and tired voice. "I'm sorry. I love you."

Casey spent the entire night tossing and turning, unable to sleep. All she could think about was seeing Seth the following day. Her whole world had been turned upside down and she feared the worst for Seth. She couldn't accept the idea that he was some sort of violent criminal, and she wanted desperately to believe that he really _had_ suffered some kind of short-term psychosis. Either way, she knew she wasn't about to let him go to jail for what he'd done, and she was ready to call in every favor she had to in order to help him. _Who would've believed, _Casey thought to herself as she tossed and turned, _Casey Novak, proponent to the temporary insanity plea. You'll never hear the end of this one._

But Casey didn't care what helping Seth did to her reputation. He needed her, and she wasn't about to abandon him. A part of Casey wanted to feel hurt that Seth had left her all alone in the hospital, but considering Huang's diagnosis, she couldn't find it within herself to blame him. She could only wait for the hours to pass until she saw Seth, so they could get to the bottom of things together. Casey's mind raced as she lay in bed, uncomfortable and distressed. _Tomorrow,_ she thought, staring out her bedroom window at the cloudy night sky. _It will all be better tomorrow._


	13. Truth

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**A/N/W:** From Chapter 7 on, the themes become slightly more adult in regards to violence and sexual content. Nothing explicit enough to warrant an M rating, but just a heads up to readers all the same.

**Chapter 13: Truth  
**_December 18th, 2:15 PM_

Sometimes, the world was a place that made very little sense. Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak understood this more than most people. The misery and tragedy of human suffering surrounded her day-to-day life, flowing through her waking hours and following her into the depths of sleep. Like the detectives she worked with, she couldn't always find a way to make sense of the horrors she witnessed, but she continued to push ahead, seeking justice for those in need and trying to set right the lives of those victimized by all the unspeakable atrocities she saw around her. She was obsessed with the principles of right and wrong, even when her own personal morals saw fit to transcend the law. She was a crusader for the innocent, facing her life and career with a young and unafraid mentality. At the same time, she knew she was not a completely perfect and righteous individual, and she had paid the price many times for her overconfidence and lack of foresight.

Happiness was not often a part of Casey's job. Even when she won, those she fought for had already lost in some way. Her job was really about correcting the balance of things, doing right where others had done so wrong. Sometimes the tiny bit of redemption Casey felt at the end of the day was the only thing that kept her going. Often, it was the only thing that kept bringing her back for more, despite the sadness and misery and degradation of humanity she was constantly faced with. But Seth had changed so much of that for Casey. She felt safe with him in a way that outshined many of the self-doubts and inadequacies she kept hidden deep within herself. She leaned on him in a way that she had always feared would make her feel weak and incompetent. But with Seth, it made her feel loved and empowered. She shared parts of her life with him that she never could have imagined trusting to anyone but herself. Sometimes, Casey would have to pinch herself, wondering if the joy she felt could possibly be real.

Still, there were good times and there were bad times, and their relationship was far from perfect. But that's what made them so strong together. Their bond was a real one, not some absurd fairytale romance where everything worked out in the end. They were imperfect people in an imperfect world who had found something special inside of one another. They had discovered a nesting place in each other's souls, a place to stay and build a life. The happiness she felt with Seth had made Casey see things differently. She now observed life not only through her own set of eyes, but through his as well. It wasn't just _her_ life anymore; it was becoming _their_ life.

Casey loved Seth dearly, and she knew in her heart that he felt the same way. Whether their bond was communicated through words or actions, it was obvious they shared something very special. It was true; the world was a place that made very little sense sometimes. But Casey Novak had found her small, happy patch of life with Seth, and it completed her in a way she had never known possible. That's why the words coming out of Seth's mouth made no sense. As Seth spoke, it was like a bad dream and Casey wondered how on earth things had turned so bad, so quick.

"We shouldn't see each other any more...?" Casey asked stupefied, repeating the words Seth had just said and turning them into a question. There was a genuine look of horror on Casey's face and her whole body felt numb. It had been five days since Pallarzi had attacked her, and the bruises around her neck and mouth had faded to a nasty yellowish-purple color. Her lip had gone back to its normal size, a thin vertical scab having formed over the deep gash that lay there.

Seth had shown up twenty minutes earlier, knocking softly on Casey's apartment door. Casey had sprung off the couch at the sound of Seth's arrival, desperate to see his face and feel his warm body against hers. After a customary glance through the peephole, Casey had flung the door wide open and leapt at Seth, slamming her mouth against his and kissing him passionately, despite the sharp pain that shot through her injured bottom lip. Seth had stood in the doorway for a moment, his body stiff, almost resisting Casey's touch. After a few seconds, he had relaxed, tenderly wrapping his arms around Casey, holding her. Casey had pulled her mouth away and grabbed the sides of Seth's head with her hands, covering his face with kisses. The two of them had stood in the doorway for several minutes hugging each other, Casey's head on Seth's shoulder. Her eyes were closed and tears had run down her cheeks, a wide smile on her face. Seth had looked straight ahead with glassy eyes, his brow seeming sad and burdened. He no longer had a bandage across the bridge of his nose, and the cut that remained had scabbed over in a dark maroon color.

Casey had finally pulled back from Seth, taking his hand and guiding him into the apartment.

"It's so good to see you," Casey had said, still smiling.

"It's good to see you too," Seth had replied in a soft voice. "You look pretty banged up. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It looks a lot worse than it feels. Come on, let's sit down. Can I get you something to drink? Are you hungry?"

"Thanks, I'm good," Seth had said, sitting down on the couch. Casey had joined him and they had sat facing each other. Casey had studied his face, searching his eyes.

"I guess we need to talk," Seth had said with a heavy sigh, turning his glance away from her.

Casey had gently reached over, placing her fingers under Seth's chin and tilting his gaze back up to hers. "Yeah," Casey had said almost sarcastically. "No kidding. Just start from the beginning, Seth. What the hell happened?"

Seth had sighed deeply again, beginning to speak. "I know I've made a total mess of things. I can't excuse that or expect you to tell me it's okay, because it's not okay. I can't even imagine what you must think of me now. Things were going so well between us and I totally screwed them up."

Casey had looked lovingly at Seth, taking his hand in hers. "You haven't messed everything up. And I don't think you're crazy, if that's what you mean. But I know there's _got_ to be a reason why this happened. I just want to _understand_, Seth. I mean, attacking Pallarzi, all the nightmares – what's this _really_ all about?"

Seth's hand had tensed up and he had adjusted his position, frowning. "Well, Dr. Huang said I suffered some kind of psychotic break. That night, when I had heard about what had happened to you, I started to leave the crime scene Munch and I were at. I remember thinking that I was going to the hospital...after that, it gets real fuzzy. The next clear memory I have is sitting in Cragen's office with blood all over my hands and shirt." Seth had paused, taking another deep breath. "I guess I had gone back to the station house instead of going to the hospital. I had taken Pallarzi out of his cell and into one of the interrogation rooms. I guess I beat him pretty badly. I pulled my gun on him and I was apparently going to shoot him."

"_What?_" Casey nearly shouted, her eyes going wide with shock. "Nobody mentioned that part. You were really going to shoot him?"

"I guess it sure looked that way. That's what Cragen told me anyway...I guess he stopped me before I could pull the trigger. I honestly don't know what would've happened if he hadn't of shown up when he did." Seth licked his lips, continuing. "Anyway, Cragen said he left that part out of the report. He seemed really pissed when he told me about it, but I think he did it because he feels bad for me. It may be the only thing that saves me from getting kicked off the force."

Casey had squinted her eyes and shaken her head, trying to digest everything. She was horrified by the notion that Seth had almost shot Pallarzi to death, and she could barely wrap her mind around the image of him performing such a despicable act. "I tried to find out from my boss if criminal charges are going to be filed against you, but he said they don't know yet. They're still waiting for Huang's report."

"Yeah," Seth had agreed, not knowing what else to add.

Casey had rubbed the back of his hand. "Hey, don't you worry about anything, Seth. We're going to get through this together. Based on what Huang's saying, there's very little chance you'll have to go to trial or spend any time in jail. You couldn't _help _what you were doing, and that makes you NOT responsible for your actions. And even if you do lose your job, we'll figure things out. You have to trust me."

"I do trust you, Casey. I'm not worried about that stuff so much. Even if I do go to jail, I can't say I don't deserve to. I'll take responsibility for my actions."

"No," Casey had said strongly. "I've made deals for no jail time with people who have _purposefully_ done things much worse than you have. Pallarzi was a _rapist_ and _murderer_, and you only attacked him _after_ he had injured both you and I. Not to mention, you didn't actually kill him, Seth." Casey had paused, shaking her head in a defiant gesture. "If charges are brought against you, we're going to fight them every step of the way."

Seth had smiled his slanted smile at her, marveling at how amazing she was, sounding so sure about everything.

After a moment, Casey had spoken again. "But you still haven't answered my question, Seth. Why did this happen in the first place? And don't tell me it was just some random act of chivalry on my behalf...I know there's more to this. I've tried to give you your space with things, but I need you to be honest with me."

Seth had lowered his head, wondering what to say next. He thought about all the times he had tried to tell Casey about the dark secrets in his past. All the things no one knew about him...the things he kept buried deep down in his soul. Even though Seth couldn't remember beating Pallarzi, he knew why he had done it. And he hadn't needed Huang's psyche evaluation to make things any clearer, either. Seth had sensed from the beginning of his relationship with Casey that it was just a matter of time before his sorted past caught up with him...with _them_. He thought about what a bastard and coward he was for not finding a way to tell her sooner. He loved Casey very much, and that was wherein the problem lied. His sad past and guilt-ridden conscious wouldn't allow him to let go of the things that had happened before, and his failure to conquer his inner demons had gotten the best of him. He didn't deserve this wonderful creature sitting before him, and he wouldn't allow himself to ruin her life the way he had already ruined his own.

"We shouldn't see each other anymore," Seth had said in a meek voice, looking away from Casey. Considering everything that had happened, he knew she deserved so much more. She deserved the truth, but he couldn't allow himself to lead her down that dark and twisted path.

After repeating the phrase back to Seth in the form of a question, Casey had looked at him like he truly _was_ crazy. Her mouth had gone completely dry, and she licked her lips and swallowed hard before continuing.

"What on earth are you talking about?" she asked in a stunned voice. Unable to stop herself, Casey uttered a short bray of shocked laughter. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"You don't want to know what this is really all about, Casey," Seth said, his voice becoming distressed. He suddenly stood up, startling Casey and making her jump. "I failed you. I failed you in every way. I'm not the person you think I am. It's no surprise I went nuts on Pallarzi...'cause I _am_ nuts."

Seth turned as if to leave and Casey hopped off the couch, grabbing his arm. "What do you think you're doing?" she shouted at him. "Don't you just walk away from me! What – you think you can just say that and walk out the door? So long? See yah later? Nice knowing you, Casey? I don't think so!"

Seth ripped his arm away, frustrated tears forming in his eyes. "Why can't you just let it go, Casey? You don't know what you're asking!"

"I...LOVE...YOU! Do you understand that? I LOVE you, Seth! You're not just walking away from this, OR us!"

She grabbed Seth, forcing his head against her neck. She could feel his weight on her, and he struggled weakly against her embrace. She placed a hand on the back of his head, trying to calm him. His body relaxed again, and he hugged her back gently. "Don't do this, Seth," she whispered. "I'm here for you."

After a moment, Seth stood back, Casey's hands on his shoulders. His eyes were red and his cheeks were damp with tears. He looked down at the floor, saying nothing.

"Sit down," Casey said in a soothing voice. She took his hand and gently led him back to his seat on the sofa. They sat down again, the cold air outside blowing across the building, rattling the windowpanes. Seth looked so sad and Casey's heart ached in her chest. She had begun to cry as well. After several minutes of silence, Seth began to speak.

"There's a lot you don't know about my past, Casey. The nightmares have a lot to do with that. So does beating up Pallarzi. When he...DID what he did to you, it brought all of that back up, and I guess I just lost it." Seth paused, unable to continue. "You don't understand," he whispered in a heavy breath. "This is going to change everything..."

Casey looked at him with hurt, tearful eyes. "What is it that could be so bad, Seth? You're ready to walk out the door right now, without so much as saying another word. Just _tell_ me. If you really, truly, love me, then tell me. I promise you, it won't – _it can't_ – change the way that I feel about you."

After a moment's consideration and a very deep, sad sigh, Seth finally found it within himself to tell Casey about the unspeakable thing that had happened on that cold winter night, three years ago.


	14. Three Years Ago

**Disclaimer:** All Law And Order: Special Victims Unit characters and namesakes are the property of Dick Wolf / NBC.

**Author's Note / Warning:** This story contains an original character that plays the love interest of Casey Novak. The story deals with the relationship between Casey and my original character, and it is told from both of their perspectives. I had a very specific storyline in mind that I felt could not be realized by pairing Casey with an existing SVU character, thus the creation of Det. Seth Bauer. This is not intended to be a Mary Sue story, and I can only hope that from the writing and characterization, this proves to be true.

**A/N/W:** From Chapter 7 on, the themes become slightly more adult in regards to violence and sexual content. Nothing explicit enough to warrant an M rating, but just a heads up to readers all the same.

**Chapter 14: Three Years Ago  
**_December 18th, 2:38 PM_

"Three years ago, I was still working out of Brooklyn and I had just been promoted to the Narcotics squad," Seth began.

"Okay," Casey said, encouraging him to continue. Seth's speech was slow and he was finding it incredibly difficult to talk. He closed his eyes and swallowed, his mind spinning.

"It was a very different time in my life. I hadn't even been in uniform that long and already I was playing in the big leagues. Everything was happening very fast, and I was pretty scared. I was scared about making a good impression. I was scared about doing my job correctly and not looking like a total ass. And Emily, she..." Seth's words trailed off, the room suddenly going silent. Casey gave him a peculiar look.

"Emily...?" she asked after a moment.

Seth closed his eyes again, tilting his head back and sighing. He was trying hard to make sense of everything in his mind before recanting it all to Casey. Deep down he knew there was no way he'd ever really accomplish such a goal, but he was going to tell her what he could, despite the chaos in his brain. She had been through hell because of him, and this was his only chance to try and rectify things.

"Casey," he suddenly said in a dry voice, opening his eyes and looking straight at her. Casey was startled by Seth's abrupt tone, and she had looked at him with fearful and questioning eyes, waiting for him to continue. Finally, he spoke again.

"I was married."

Casey's expression changed, her face becoming dumbfounded. Seth looked away again. "Married?" she said back to him, shocked by the sudden bit of news.

"Yeah," Seth said, still unable to look at her.

"All right," Casey began, trying to maintain her composure. "And you were going to tell me this...when?"

"I know, I know. You have every right to be pissed. I know this doesn't make any sense, but I just couldn't talk about it before now. It was...too difficult."

They both remained silent for a moment. Casey folded her arms across her chest, drawing her legs up onto the couch. She had a stunned look on her face and Seth could feel her eyes penetrating him.

"Well," Casey began again. "What happened?" She sounded angry and Seth could almost detect the slightest hint of jealousy in her voice.

"She died," he said flatly.

The words rang in Casey's ears, and she gave Seth a pained expression. "Oh," she said in a small, soft voice.

The room had gone quiet again, the wind continuing to howl outside Casey's small and cozy living room. Seth gave her a moment to process the information. "Do you want me to continue?"

Casey licked her lips, and tried to shake away her shock. "Yes. Of course. I'm sorry...please, go on."

"Emily and I...we met in college. We starting dating sophomore year and eventually got married a few years after graduation. She became an elementary school teacher, and I joined the force the year after we graduated. Things were so different back then...we were kids, really. She was the first girl I had ever really been in love with, and our lives completely revolved around one another. We had all these big plans for the future, you know? All these silly, clichéd ideas about what married life would be like – the house out in the suburbs, lots of kids, the white picket fence, you name it. Our whole lives were ahead of us and everything seemed so perfect. I was loving the job and being married to Emily. Every night we'd fall asleep holding each other, talking about where we'd be ten years down the road...twenty years, thirty years. We were so young and stupid and hopelessly in love.

"A few years later, I got promoted out of uniform into Narcotics. We were trying to have a baby, and things got real hectic for me at work. Suddenly, there was no time for anything, and I was constantly having to choose between her and the job. But she knew...Emily knew how important the promotion was to me. She knew how scared and inexperienced I felt, and she was there for me twenty-four seven. I cancelled so many dinner plans with her, it wasn't even funny. And after awhile, we both began to wonder if we'd ever get pregnant. I was always at work, trying to show my bosses what a great team player I was, when in reality I was doing all the scrub work. I'd come home late at night and tell Emily that we'd made some big bust, like I was some kind of hero. When the truth was, I had sat in the car watching the other guys take down the perps while I called it in on the radio. And Emily knew that too, but she played along. I'd crawl into bed next to her and she'd touch the side of my face and call me her 'big, brave man'."

Seth paused, taking a deep breath and collecting his thoughts.

"Anyway, there was this one night, three years ago, that we were supposed to go to this play with her parents. As usual, I was working late on a case and I called to tell her I wouldn't be able to make it. We had planned the damn thing a month ahead of time, and there was no reason I couldn't have gone. I gave her the same old excuses, but she knew better. I guess she'd had enough at that point, and she just wanted me to do what I said I was going to do for once. We started yelling at each other on the phone, and she hung up on me. I was too full of stupid pride to call her back and apologize. I stayed at work, figuring she'd go to the play with her folks and I'd make it up to her somehow later. Like I always did...

"Emily was really mad at me, and she called her parents and told them we had to cancel. She even covered for me, giving them the same B.S. excuse _I'd_ given her. She was always like that, Emily. Always taking care of me, always doing the right thing and putting up with all my crap. I loved her for that, but I was so young and dumb and I thought we'd have forever together. I always thought there'd be another day to figure things out...another day to tell her I loved her.

"Emily cancelled the plans with her parents, but she still went to the play by herself. I don't know why. Maybe she was trying to get back at me somehow. I always told her not to go into the city alone at night, and she almost never did. Except that night. She was pissed at me, and for whatever reasons, she went to the show alone while I stayed at work."

Seth paused again, wiping his brow. His breathing had increased, and in his mind, he knew there was no turning back. Casey sat on the other end of the couch, staring at him with nervous eyes.

"So the show got out late and Emily started walking home. We only lived a couple of blocks from the theater, but again, I ALWAYS told her to take a cab at night if she was by herself. But she didn't. Maybe she was just mad, maybe she was trying to prove something to me. Maybe when I got home later that night, she was going to try and scare the crap out of me by telling me what she had done. Maybe then I wouldn't have taken her for granted so much any more.

"But she never made it home that night. She was one block from our apartment when some GUY grabbed her and dragged her into an alleyway. It was late and no one was around. She was all by herself, walking down the street in the dark in the middle of the night."

"Seth...no," Casey said softly, tears beginning to spill from her eyes.

"He raped her," Seth continued, the tears falling from his eyes as well. "He raped her and beat her and then he...he slit her throat and left her for dead in a pile of garbage."

Casey gasped, her hand going to her mouth. She couldn't speak or move.

"We had...talked about those kinds of things...when I had joined the force. I told her, you're supposed to scream and yell 'fire', so people will look out their windows. I don't know what happened. She may have screamed, she may not have. But after he was...DONE...an old woman in one of the buildings happened to wake up. I guess she went outside to the fire escape to have a cigarette. She had looked down into the alley, and she thought someone was being mugged. She yelled at them and the guy took off. He had already cut Emily's throat by that point and she was bleeding to death. The old lady called the police and they arrived a few minutes later. Emily died on the way to hospital. I wasn't even notified until after they had brought her body into the morgue."

Seth stopped speaking, a soft moan escaping his lips. Everything seemed so BRIGHT in Casey's living room, and he felt like he was in a dream.

"Seth," Casey started. "My god...I – I'm so sorry. I can't...I don't even know what to say. I can't imagine what that was like for you. Did they ever catch the guy?"

"No," Seth said, wiping at his eyes. His voice was shaky and his body was trembling. It felt like he could barely catch his breath. "They never caught him. No one in the area even saw him, except for the old woman. And she was five flights up. The alleyway was unlit and for all she knew, it could've been stray cats or something. He had used a condom, so there was no DNA evidence...no murder weapon...nothing. The case went cold after four months."

"That's so horrible, Seth," Casey said, crying. Her words were covered with sobs as she choked back tears. "I didn't know...I had no idea you'd been through something like that."

"Emily died...she was murdered. I can't imagine what _she_ went through...lying in that dark alley...in the trash...while he..." Seth stopped himself. He had been down that road too many times, imagining what it had been like for Emily, and he didn't have the strength to say the words. "So, she died...and I had my precious little job in Narcotics. I don't know how I got through it...I buried myself in my work, and after a while, I put in for a transfer to a Sex Crimes unit. I stayed in Narcotics for a few more years, and now...here I am."

Seth didn't need to elaborate on the rest. Casey's mind quickly put the pieces in place, and everything began to make sense. Her heart ached for him, and she couldn't stop crying. She reached for the box of tissues, trying to get a handle on her emotions. She was near hysterics, but she wasn't going to allow herself to lose it in front of him. Casey blew her nose and offered the box to Seth. He pulled out a few tissues and dabbed at his eyes and wiped his nose.

"I honestly thought I could handle this job," Seth continued. "But obviously, I can't. I thought that dedicating my life to catching these kinds of criminals would change things somehow. I saw a psychiatrist for a while after Emily's death, but it didn't help much. All the anger and the guilt and the sadness...I had to deal with those things on my own. But I wanted to make SURE that when my transfer went through, I'd be okay with this. I didn't want to go out there every day, seeing Emily's killer over and over again. I thought I could find a balance of some kind...but I guess I never imagined what falling in love again might do to me."

Casey gave an awkward smile, not looking at Seth. "It's my fault," she said. "This whole thing is all my fault. If you hadn't of met me, none of this would have happened. You-"

"NO," Seth said forcefully, looking at her. "This is NOT your fault. Don't you dare say that, Casey. YOU are the innocent one in all of this. I'm the one who kept things from you. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and I never should have allowed myself to fall in love with you."

"_Allowed_ yourself?" Casey asked, giving Seth a smart look. "I hardly think that falling in love is something you plan on or _allow_ yourself to do. Believe me, I could check my date book right now and guarantee you that 'fall in love with new detective' isn't ANYWHERE in there."

Seth chuckled lightly. The sound of his laughter made Casey feel worlds better, if only for a short, fleeting moment. "You know what I mean. After Emily died, the last thing on my mind was _ever _falling in love again. I didn't even think it was possible, nor did I really care." He looked at Casey, smiling. "But then, something very strange happened – I met you. I met you and _everything_ changed. Not only did I find myself _attracted_ to someone for the first time in years, but I couldn't stop myself from flirting with you whenever I saw you."

"Yeah, I have that effect on men," Casey said with a sad smile. Her eyes were red and swollen and her nose was stuffed. "And I have a really nice rack," she added as an afterthought.

Finally, the tension in the room broke and they both laughed, the scared and nervous feelings flowing out of them. In her mind, Casey remarked how close laughing was to crying. After a moment, the room became quiet again and the sadness began to slowly creep back in. Casey slid across the couch, lying up against Seth and holding his hand.

"I felt so guilty," Seth said. "Every time I saw you, I'd get all giddy and nervous like a little kid. But there was always this voice in my head making me feel horrible for feeling that way, like I was cheating on Emily. But I wasn't cheating on her. Emily was dead. As much as I tried to tell myself that I had to move on, I was just so..._conflicted_ inside."

Casey squeezed Seth's hand reassuringly. She was still reeling from everything he had just told her and she couldn't help feeling hurt by the fact that he had kept so much from her. She still loved him, but she was confounded by his secrecy. "But why didn't you tell me about any of this, Seth? Why didn't you trust me enough to tell me these things?"

"You have to understand something, Casey. It was never about not trusting you. After Emily died, I buried so much of this with her. I tried to go on with my life, and I did what I had to in order to keep living. It's not that I didn't _want_ to tell you...I just couldn't bring myself to actually say the words out loud until now. I wasn't prepared for any of this, and I kept waiting for the time to be right to talk about things. But I see now that I was just avoiding it. And the longer I waited, the more I knew it was just a matter of time before this blew up in my face. I mean, look at where we're at now. It took almost losing my mind before I could tell you the truth. After all of that, how can you still want to be with me?"

Casey gave Seth a pitiful look as he paused, seeming disgusted with himself. "But as hard as this has been for me...all the guilt, all the doubting and worrying and secrets...in spite of all of that, I do love you. I thought I could never feel this way again, and when I fell in love with you, it was like I was a different person...and I couldn't understand that at all. What I felt for you was it's own special thing that had nothing to do with what I had felt for Emily, and I was happy again. I guess knowing that is what made me feel so guilty...like I was betraying her memory by moving on with my life."

Casey's face was bewildered and she searched for the right thing to say. "You lied to me, Seth. I guess I can forgive you for that, but only because I understand things better now. I can't say that I'll ever be completely okay with this, but I know that I still love you, too. Like I already told you, that's not going to change." Casey placed her hand over Seth's heart, looking him in the eyes. "Someone once told me that when you find that one special person, you have to decide if it's really worth being with them despite what may seem like insurmountable odds. Well, I found that person in you, Seth...and I want us to deal with this _together_. We can get you the help you need to overcome this...you don't have to face it alone anymore."

Casey forced a nervous smile and Seth didn't respond. He pulled away from her slightly, looking down at the floor. Casey's smile instantly disappeared.

"Don't, Seth," she said. "Please...don't shut me out like this." Casey's eyes became animated, brimming with tears once again. "Doesn't it matter how _I_ feel about all of this?"

"Of course it does, Casey...but you don't know what you're saying..." Seth moved away from her to the edge of the couch. His face was contorted, full of angst and pain. "We...we can't do this. Look what I've done. I thought I could control this and I can't. I almost killed a guy because of something that happened in the PAST that has NOTHING to do with you. What if I do something worse next time? What if there's some perp who threatens you or hurts you, and I actually _kill_ the guy? What if I go after _you_ next time?"

Casey's teary eyes went wide and she looked at Seth, not sure if she had heard him correctly. "What? Why would you even think that? You'd never do something like that, Seth. That's ridiculous..."

"It's not a risk I want to take. I care too much about you to put you through anything more or anything worse than I already have. I'm sorry, Casey."

Casey leaned forward, grabbing Seth's shirt. She had started to cry again, her voice becoming frenzied. "Seth, no. That doesn't matter. I understand now. I told you, this doesn't change anything. We can get you _help_."

Seth pulled away again. "You can't help me. Don't you see? I'm not right...I'm not right in the head. This whole thing is _sick_. We can't live this way. _You_ don't _deserve_ to live this way."

"Seth, no..." Casey said again. The tears were flowing full-stream from her puffy red eyes and her voice had become high-pitched and childlike. She grabbed Seth's shirt with both fists. "What are you _saying_ to me, Seth? _What are you saying?_" Casey nearly screamed. She lowered her head and pounded on Seth's chest with her clenched fists. She was sobbing uncontrollably again, knowing in her heart what Seth was trying to do. "No...NO! We'll get through this! You and me, together! Don't do this, Seth! I love you! Doesn't that _mean _anything to you?"

Tears began to slowly spill down Seth's cheeks once more. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, closing his eyes and putting his forehead against Casey's.

"You're...breaking...my heart," Casey said through choked sobs.

Seth slowly pulled away from her, turning and standing up. Seth stood over her, his whole body stone. "I know," he said, looking down at Casey with a mixture of guilt and affection. His breathing had slowed back to normal and his eyes seemed empty. "That's why this has to end. Not because of you, Casey, because of me. I know, in my heart, you would _always_ be there for me. But the way things are now, I can't promise you the same thing. It's not fair to you...I've already lied to you and betrayed you. You're just too good of a person to see what a bastard I really am. I'll only hurt you, Casey...like I'm hurting you now."

"Seth, please! Listen to what you're saying! It doesn't make any sense! I'm RIGHT HERE, Seth! Don't tell me what I want, because you're wrong! _I'm_ not giving up on us, so _you_ _CAN'T_ give up on us either!" Casey was almost hyperventilating, unable to comprehend what was happening. She never could have imagined things ending up this way, and Seth's bitter words felt forced and unreal. There was a sharp knifing pain in Casey's chest, and she wasn't sure if she could even stand up. She stared at Seth through wide and unbelieving eyes. He took a few steps back, around the side of the sofa. He looked at her in a way that gave her chills, speaking words that pierced her heart.

"You don't need me," he said softly, the room suddenly seeming cold and empty. He knew Casey wasn't going to let him go, and in his mind it was the only way to make things right. "I don't want this anymore. I don't want _you_ anymore."

The door slammed shut behind her, the deafening silence that followed quickly filling the entire apartment. Casey sat motionless on the sofa, her mouth slightly agape. Her heart was pounding in her chest and the tears on her cheeks were just starting to dry. Casey stared down at the floor, a mixed expression of pain, fear and shock settling across her face. She turned, looking over her shoulder at her apartment door. There was a slight ringing in her ears, and she could feel the heavy and fast _thud-thud-thud_ of her pulse pounding in her temples. Her eyes bulged slightly in their sockets and again she looked at the apartment door. He was gone. He was really gone. The first man Casey Novak had ever truly been in love with had just walked out of her apartment and out of her life.

Casey eventually leaned back on the sofa, her right hand slowly sliding across her stomach, stopping and resting there. Her face seemed old and her eyes stared blankly out the window at nothing, her head a million miles away from the cold day brewing outside. One thought kept encircling her numb mind, the shock from Seth's exit still stinging her soul. _But he doesn't know,_ she thought to herself in a frightened inner voice, her hand caressing her soft belly. _He doesn't know...I'm pregnant._


End file.
